I found that funny... so I added my $.02"Woke up. Washed feet. Learned I could walk on water - how cool is that? Wept. Said 5 Hail Marys and she was all like, "I heard you the first time, Jesus Christ!"
I instantly saw my Hell-Score go up 50 points. And a new inspiration was born. I couldn't be stopped. So I decided to ghost-write for a few more "famous folks"... Joan Crawford"Went in the fridge and there was nothing there but some cold fish and a stale loaf of bread. I was freaking out because I had people coming over in an hour. So I just talked to Dad and next thing you know, the whole fridge was full-- all kinds of fish and enough bread to feed a multitude. Had to fill bushels with the extra. It was nuts. Sometimes Dad doesn't think about leftovers. Oh well, at least my friends were full."
Bette Davis"Got up at 12:30 AM. Started weeding roses. Decided they were in my way, so I chopped them down. Yelled at Christina. (She's so insolent.) Drank a fifth of gin to ease the pain. Strangled Christina because she was obstinate. Sent her to boarding school. I love my children, really I do..."
Martha Stewart"Woke up, smoked a cigarette, went for a drive in Beverly Hills, went shopping. Smoked another cigarette. Fought with my daughter. Pissed off a few media types, but hell, I don't care. Went on Letterman and put him in his place. Still waiting for my next movie deal..."
"Guards woke me up. I told them a nice pleasant "Good morning" is sufficient, but they insist on banging on the rails of my cell. Rude. All we had for breakfast was oatmeal. I wish I could add a sprig of fresh mint at least to make it presentable. These people know nothing about presentation. *sigh*..."
"Uh... Laura made some corn flakes... yummm... Put sugar on em. They were yummy. Dick Cheney gave me my "To-Do" list for today. I couldn't read half of it. Had to ask Dad what it meant. Might go for a drive if I could find my car keys. Oh wait, I ride horses. Duh.."
"So Adam and I were just sitting around, looking at all the pretty things ... AGAIN... when all of a sudden this ugly snake comes up and starts trying to shove this apple down my throat. I told him that it was too round for my throat, but maybe a bite would be good enough. After all, I WAS hungry (and getting REALLY tired of leaves and twigs. Yuk.) So I take a bite and give some to Adam... and all of a sudden I'M NAKED! WHAT THE HELL??!!! So I run to hide myself from Adam. Perv. At least that nasty snake was gone...."
