What else???

I'm having the distinct suspicion that someone or something is out to get me. Today at work, I was feeling fairly good. Sure I was coughing like a crazy fool, but I still felt overall pretty good. Well apparently people at work didn't think so. I was called into my manager's office at about 3:00 PM and told to go home because they thought I wasn't well enough yet. That's nice and all, and thank you for your concern, but I was there to work and I was feeling fine. But, they insisted and I went home. So I got home and worked on a few things at my computer. Hey, I had the programs, so I figured I'd take a few things home. I sent those off and went to bed for a nap. (You think I wasn't going to sleep? Ha!) I woke up and checked Email, chatted a bit on the Internet and just took it easy. I got a notice saying that my Internet Security program needed updating, so I started the process to update it. I restarted the computer. I got a blue screen of death. That's right folks, my brand-new computer, not even 6 months old, has just gone kaput on me. Luckily I have a second computer at home (yes, I am that geeky) and was able to pull up Dell's customer support. I talked with the guy there and he ran me through a bunch of diagnostics, only to find that my hard drive has, indeed, crashed. Again. God. Damn. IT! So Dell is sending a new Hard Drive my way. That's wonderful and all, but it doesn't replace every fucking program and every fucking file that I had on the old one. And yes, I did keep backups but it'd been a little while since I'd done a backup. Now all that stuff is gone. Can I say it again? I'm going to anyway. GOD. DAMN. IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So tomorrow I am going to the doctor in hopes that I don't have Pneumonia. With the way my luck has been going, don't be surprised if I am admitted into the hospital for a while. I'm not saying I will be, but... ..just don't be surprised.

Holiday Blues Already

Can I tell you how much I am dreading December? My life is going to be full of nothing but rehearsals, shows and rehearsals for the next three weeks. You read that right, folks. THREE weeks. And somewhere in the middle of all that madness I have to clean my apartment, buy a Christmas tree, decorate it and my apartment, and buy groceries for my annual holiday party (December 17 if you are in the area). And meanwhile continue to go to work, rehearsals, shows and more rehearsals. Are you exhausted yet? I am already! :) Here's a rundown of my schedule for the next three weeks. If you see a moment where I can shop for an overpriced Christmas Tree before December 17, just let me know. Monday, November 29 Work 11:30 - 8:00 PM. OK I could probably try to find a tree after work, but that means taking the train all the way home, grabbing the car, driving to a tree place (hoping I find the hunky lumberjack guy that's sold me the last three trees I've bought in Chicago... Woof!) and then getting the thing home, up 3 flights of stairs, drag out all the Christmas crap, find the stand, plop the tree in the stand, water it, and maybe start decorating it if it's not already past 3am by that point. Yeah.. maybe not... Tuesday, November 30 Work 9:30 - 6:00 Rehearsal (Slickers) 7:00 - 10:00 PM Yeah, that day's shot. Next. Wednesday, December 1 Work 9:30 - 6:00 Dress Rehearsal (Slickers) 6:00 - 10:00 PM (?) Another day blown. Thursday, December 2 Work 9:30 - 6:00 What's this? Nothing to do after work? Hmmmm.. If I'm not dead from exhaustion already, I might be able to do something on this night. See how well you're helping me? What a great pal you are. Friday, December 3 Work 9:30 - 6:00 Show (Slickers) 6:00 call in Oak Park. Show starts at 8PM. Runs til 11PM. Notice how my work end times and my show/rehearsal call times overlap. Acrobatics and a bit of magic, my dear readers. Saturday, December 4 Show (Slickers) 3:00 call. (Luckily this is just blocks away from my house. Thank God for small miracles.) Showtime 5:00. SECOND SHOW 8:00 PM. Done by 11:00 PM. Party (Slickers) after show. Yeah this day's shot too. But wait, the week's not over yet. Sunday, December 5 Rehearsal (CGMC) 2:00 Call. Break 5:00. Start up again 6:00. Done by 9:00 PM. And the madness begins yet again. Monday, December 6 Work 11:30 - 8:00 PM A free night! Whoo hoo! What to do!? Where to go? Who to see? Oh yeah.. Clean.. shop... decorate... continue on.... Tuesday, December 7 Work 9:30 - 6:00 Rehearsal (Slickers) 7:00 - 10:00 PM In a perfect world, I'd have this night off, since that concert is already past. But no. I still have two more shows with this group. Read on. Wednesday, December 8 Work 9:30 - 6:00 Tech Rehearsal (CGMC) 6:00 - 11:00 PM Thursday, December 9 Work 9:30 - 6:00 Dress Rehearsal (CGMC) 6:00 - 11:00 PM Friday, December 10 Work 9:30 - 6:00 Show (CGMC) 6:00 Call; 8:00 Curtain, runs til about 11:00 PM Party afterward somewhere. Saturday, December 11 Show (CGMC) 3:00 Call; 5:00 Curtain, runs til about 7:00; Dinner break; 7:45 Call; 8:30 Curtain, runs til about 11:30 PM Cast Party afterward somewhere. Sunday, December 12 (my birthday) You'd think I'd get my birthday off, right? Ha! Tech Rehearsal (Slickers) 4:00 - 6:00 PM This is for our cabaret show, one of which is happening on Tuesday, the other on the following Sunday. I begged. I pleaded. I absolutely threw myself down at the mercy of the group to have this on another day. Nobody would budge. Thanks, guys. Monday, December 13 Work 11:30 - 8:00 I ain't doing shit tonight. Tuesday, December 14 Work 9:00 - 6:00 Show (Slickers) 5:30 Call (yeah we'll see how that goes); 8:00 Show - Done by 10 PM at the latest. Wednesday, December 15 Work 9:00 - 6:00 Crunch time... gotta get all the shopping done now! Thursday, December 16 Work 9:00 - 6:00 Last-minute cleaning... more shopping? Friday, December 17 - PARTY DAY No work (I took the day off.) Party starts at 8:00 PM Hell, if I ain't ready by now, fuck it. Saturday, December 18 A day of rest. Oh. My. GOD. Sunday, December 19 ONE MORE FUCKING SHOW! Show (Slickers) 5:30 Call; 8:00 Show - Done by 10 PM at the latest. Monday, December 20 I drop dead of exhaustion if I haven't already.

Thanksgiving - My mother, My hero

After reading my posting about Thanksgiving, I need to add a few things that I think are really imporant, after all that has happened (and now that I am feeling a WHOLE LOT better. God love drugs.) 1. I can't begin to express my appreciation, admiration and adoration for my mother. The woman is an absolute goddess. Upon her amazingly fragile shoulders, she carries this family, and carries it with the strength of 150 mothers and fathers combined. When the chips are down for her, she sees the silver lining and never, EVER gives up. She plods onward and makes things happen. If she, in her own weakened condition, can still do these things, then I am a far, far weaker person. I don't know if I could handle it. 2. This weekend, my mother cooked a 23 lb. turkey, baked two pies, prepared sweet potatoes, vegetables, stuffing and all the rest of the fixings IN ADDITION TO caring for my father and accompanying him to the hospital AND taking care of me when I was feeling ill. She then proceeded to feed four hungry people. 3. The next day, my mother and I went to my sister's house, where she baked COUNTLESS dozens of cookies-- more than I could handle in my own weakened condition -- and still went home feeling fine. I was the one who had to sleep for 4 hours. 4. Today, my mom was up and around again, ready to begin another day's chores and activities, while I, in my still-weakened condition, could barely move. Now granted, when I'm 100% healthy, I can run circles around the lady. But sometimes she does the same to me. And it simply astounds me. She just never quits. I want to share a story about my mom with you. This story has long inspired me to believe in my mother as my hero. I think you will agree that she is rightly named as such. In 1994, everything that could have possibly went wrong with my mom went wrong. It all started with her hip replacement surgery, which, ironically, was supposed to finally make something right. She had for years been suffering from a deteriorated hip joint due to Legg Perthes Disease, which had afflicted her as a child. The hip replacement was many years too late in coming. The surgery was a success, but her recovery, and the toll that everything took on her heart and lungs weakened her system drastically. However, we did not know this right away. In the hospital, all her signs were good for a full recovery. She went to physical therapy, got better, and came home. After a couple weeks had passed, we noticed that mom was falling asleep at very odd times. Watching TV... at dinner... while talking to her. She had never done this before. We also noticed that when she did sleep at night, she snored so loudly that we could hear it in adjoining rooms. Again, this was never the case before. Finally, one day while at work, (my mom was a nurse at the same hospital where she had her surgery) a fellow nurse noticed that her nail beds were blue. Definitely a bad sign. So back to the hospital she went... to discover she had developed Emphysema as a result of the stress that her surgery and recovery put on her lungs; and also due to the fact that she had Asthma and was never correctly diagnosed. 3-4 weeks later she returned, forced to retire from work, and on Oxygen. But that wasn't the end. While doing cancer tests mainly on her lungs (my mom was a smoker for many years, however she had not smoked in over 10 years at this point), the doctor noticed blood in her urine and ordered a test on her kidneys. A lump was revealed. Mom had kidney cancer. This scared us the most of all. Our family has seen the ravages of cancer on friends and family members alike. The extent of this cancer would not be known until the kidney came out, and it definitely had to come out. We were afraid of this procedure not only because of what the results could be, but because of the further stress on my mom's already battered body. But mom surged forward and remained strong, although she did take some time to take pictures with my sister and I and the rest of the family, just in case. This was a very scary time for all of us. The day of surgery came, and the whole family waited together. When the news came that the got the kidney, we were elated. It had not spread, and they got it in time. Mom was safe, for now. We all headed to the hospital's Intensive Care Unit to see mom. She had been intubated and was still asleep. When she awoke and saw us standing there, we could tell she was scared, but encouraged. "How are you feeling, Mom?" I asked her. Gently, and gingerly, my mom raised her right arm. And then, with a single, sudden movement, gave us the "Thumbs-Up" sign. Now, after all she had been through; after all the pain and suffering, worry and despair, and procedures and operations; for this now-fragile woman to wake up from surgery, with tubes down her throat and in her arms, to be strong enough and sharp enough to know exactly what she needed to say in one simple gesture, conveyed to me that this was no ordinary woman. Awash in tears, I knew right then and there that this extraordinary woman was more than just my mother. She was, indeed, my hero. And I still believe this today. That's something --someone-- to be thankful for, if you ask me.

Thanksgiving from Hell

Aah Thanksgiving. Turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, sweet potatoes, and pumpkin pie. Simple, right? Not this year. Not long after I posted about rcktman.com being up, I got a phone call from my mom. They had taken my dad to the hospital on Wednesday night. Another Diabetic problem. He was delirious, didn't know where he was, couldn't get in or out of chairs, and even wet himself on his living room chair. My mom had been with him all night in the emergency room. She was just getting home and getting to bed. She wasn't sure if dinner was still on or not, since we were going to also host my dad's brother (the priest) and their cousin. With me being sick and dad in the hospital, mom was about ready to call it all off. But I was feeling a little better by Thursday morning (I had barely slept since I slept almost all day Wednesday) so I told her I'd be there to help her out. I finally got myself together and out the door by 1pm on Thursday. I hit some traffic on the way up, so I didn't get to her house til 3pm. But by then a lot was already done, I just had to help with the heavy stuff. Dinner finally occurred at 6pm. We were done and cleaned up by 7. And then out to see my dad. Dad was still not doing so well. I could tell he wasn't completely coherent about his surroundings yet, and he was certainly not happy to be there. He did know it was Thanksgiving, and didn't want to be there for it. I couldn't blame him, but then, considering the circumstances, I'd rather have him there than anywhere else. As I've explained before here, my mom and dad are both not extremely well health-wise. With dad's diabetes and mom's emphysema, it makes it hard for both of them to even live together, since my dad is essentially confined to his chair, as he can barely walk... and mom has a hard time getting around because any over-exertion and she starts coughing and wheezing. Yet somehow they still live in the same house I grew up in and get by. I keep waiting for the episode that will change all of that once and for all. It's not because I like to be doomy and gloomy; it's just that it's inevitable and it's going to happen soon. The next day, my mom and I were supposed to go to my sister's to make Christmas cookies. I was feeling fairly OK, although the fever has still not settled into the "normal" zone. I called my doctor to see if she would prescribe me something without me coming in and luckily (since what I now have is sounding more along the lines of bronchitis, which I've had zillions of times) she prescribed some antibiotics for me. But I was feeling bullish so I went along to my sister's anyway. Probably not the best idea. After a few batches of cutouts and spritz cookies (and that was just scratching the surface), I was exhausted. I started coughing violently. So I took a nap in my sister's spare bedroom. I missed the rest of the cookie baking. Luckily they split up the batches and gave me some to take home. :) So I came home and crashed again... and this morning woke up feeling incredibly sore and worn out from all of the violent coughing I've been doing. So I gingerly got my stuff together and got ready to head home. My mom felt bad for having me go along to my sister's yesterday, but I told her I made the choice to go, it's my own fault. She shouldn't have to worry herself so much. So Here I am... I still have a few things to bring upstairs. It's pouring rain outside, it's simply miserable, and I just want to go to bed. But my bed is stripped because all my sheets are in the car (I did sheets and blankets at my mom's house while I was there.) Great. Today is just one of those "Calgon Take Me Away" days that you always saw on TV. Yet there's no magic box of bath soap to cure my ills. I just have pills and the love of two kitties. I guess that will have to do. I just wish they could carry stuff up from the car for me. ;) Anyway... off to bed soon. Just wanted to share my hellish Thanksgiving story with you. I hope yours was much better and happier. :)

Announcing: Rcktman.com!

I can't believe I'm telling you this. It's taken me TWO YEARS to get this worked out. But finally, after much hair-pulling and frustration, I introduce to you: rcktman.com Nothing much as of yet (and due to a big screw-up I lost a whole bunch of stuff) but eventually I'd like to move this blog there and keep everything central. All in due time. In the meantime, make sure you visit the Photography section for the long-awaited pics from NYC! :) Happy Thanksgiving to all!!

Writer's block!

My friend Elle read my blog and pointed out quite a bit of stuff that I left off from my trip to NYC. I must have had major writer's block... or maybe I was getting sick and not thinking clearly. This is what she sent me: okay so you left out of your blog - barney's (We shopped at Barney's-- the first time I'd ever been in a Barney's. I actually bought something, too!) adrian brody going by unnoticed (he walked by us after our night out in Chelsea. Elle saw him but I totally missed him. I missed so many celeb sightings, as is evidenced by the next one..) robert verdi (host of "Surprise by Design" on The Discovery Channel... couldn't miss him, he sat right behind us at the restaurant we had dinner at when I got in.) the fact that i live in the "heights" and NOT in Brooklyn - skanky brooklyn (I did mention on Friday that she lives in Brooklyn Heights but not on Sunday... my bad. ;-) the atypical friendly cab driver (He was so funny. He picked us up from the Plaza Hotel and dropped us off at Greenwich Village. Our favorite quote "Ma'am I'm a professional. I will get you there...") dylan's candy bar (Incredible candy store we visited while waiting to get in at Serendipity, which we ended up not doing anyway. I found Willy Wonka bars and got them for some coworkers, along with some yummy chocolates.) upper east upper west greenwich village - aka west village by locals east village union square (Through our whirlwind visits and rides along the Subway, we visited many of NYC's villages. I really feel like I got the grande tour. Lord knows I couldn't have done it on my own. Those subways are confusing!!) the amazing century 21 (The dept. store across from the WTC site... designer duds for dirt cheap. It was a madhouse. If I had more money I would have been SHOPPING!) and how you are prolly the only person i know to go thru chinatown and not buy one thing - (Granted, the deals were to be had there... I just didn't have the money. I would have loved to have gotten my sister a Louis Vuitton purse for cheap. Maybe a return trip is in order...) SoHo and how the streets are dead on friday but slammed on weekends (This is extremely true, and not just of SoHo but everywhere. Sunday is MUCH busier than Friday.) the the boys from france wearing italian couture while alfredo was wearing french couture and jumping down the footpath as he thought he saw a rat - (that i had warned you against) (Oh yeah.. the garbage along the streets.. what the hell!?! NYC has no alleys so they just pile garbage up on the street curbs. It took some getting used to. Chicago has a great alley network so you don't see all that trash. And where there's garbage there's rats. I didn't see one but Elle told me to be on the lookout.. so I was. And the French boys were realy nice ... one spoke English well but the other was not as good. They accompanied us to "XL"... asking lots of questions along the way. Alfredo was a guy we met at "XL" who came with us to "G"... where we promptly lost him. Nice but a tad sketchy.) my my - i should have written your blog. (and you did... thank you Elle. :) So yes, I am sick sick SICK. Temp of 102 and miserable. I've slept so much I don't know what time it is. So from here I am going to hit the hay again and hopefully get rid of this crap in time for TURKEY. :) Have a great Thanksgiving everyone.

For Sebastian

On the Gay Bloggers Tribe the other day, we learned about the plight of a fellow blogger, Sebastian, from Australia. He was involved in a horrific incident where he was hit by a car, presumbably (but not yet determined) on purpose. He is in criticial condition. The community is reeling from so much bad news lately This latest chapter does not bode well with any of us, even across the pond. Aaron of 1000 Words or More has designed a lovely icon for us to use in support of Sebastian's plight. I am adding this icon to my site today. Please visit Sebastian's blog, Holding the Man, and get to know this brave young man.

So much to do, so little time

Back home safe and sound... I feel like it's been another week since my last post, but it's only been 2 days. So much has happened... Sunday We woke up and headed down to the Financial district. They were having a street fair on Broadway, and Elle bought a gorgeous Indian quilt for her extra bedroom, where her current roommate Rob is staying. Since she's moving to Australia, she wants to dress the place up a bit so it will sell. I think she made a great choice, personally. We walked down Broadway toward Ground Zero. As we got to the end of the block, I immediately recognized familiar buildings. The Burger King on the corner of Church street that served as a temporary morgue. The Deutsche Bank building, which although is still standing, is ravaged with mold and will probably soon come down. The Financial buildings, which now dominate the skyline. The Wintergarden, which was destroyed and is now rebuilt. The new 7 World Trade, which is almost completely topped off already. Century 21, the department store right across the street from WTC, and the Millenium Hilton next to it. And St. Paul's Chapel, probably the most moving display of memoribilia about WTC that exists. And of course, the hole in the ground that once was home to two of the most magnificent towers ever built. Indeed, when you first see the vast expanse of nothing, surrounded now by a large fence, dotted with stories and pictures of times past, it is jarring. Especially if you have been to this same spot before, when the towers and the complex itself actually stood there. Especially if you remember going into those buildings, never knowing what would happen less than 10 years later. Especially when you remember what happened, because you watched it happen, in real time. And you remember the sorrow you felt for the people who endured the tragedy, from those who died to those who just happened to be there that day. It was a lot to take in. And we did, and I'm glad we did. From Ground Zero we headed to Chinatown, which is right on the outskirts of SoHo and walked the narrow streets and perused the multitude of vendors selling hocked goods at ridiculous prices. We kept going and crossed into SoHo and had lunch, then caught the subway back toward Brooklyn. On the way back, Elle mentioned that she sometimes gets out at the Brooklyn Bridge and walks across. I was pretty tired, but for some reason, this sounded like something I wanted to do. So I said "Why don't we do that?" And so we did. It was the perfect cap to an adventuresome weekend. I didn't get to see a show, but I'm ok with that. I've seen my share of Broadway-style shows, in fact I've seen a few in previews before they even got to Broadway (including The Producers, which was totally unforgettable.) So I really am not mourning that at all. There will be other opportunities. I caught a cab from Elle's at 8 and was in the air by 9:30. Monday Luckily I had to work late so I slept in. My plane landed at 10:30 on Sunday but I didn't get home until 1am thanks to taking the El home. LONG trip!!! But damn it was good to sleep in my own bed and see my boys. :) But no rest for the wicked. I had pies to make for Thanksgiving and Monday night was the only night I could do it. So when I got home, I immediately started making Sweet Potato Pie. Yum. :) They turned out damn nice, too. Tuesday Work and then rehearsal, but wait... the crazy schedule (and cold/warm/wet weather) of New York caught up to me... I went to work but came home early. I'm coughing and have chills and am feeling overall miserable. So as soon as I hit "publish" I am hitting the sack. And that leads us to now. Pictures... yes, I know, I am working on trying to get them set up so you can view them easily. I have something ready to go, I just have to upload them to a site. As soon as they are ready I will post the link. So... with that, I bid you peace. :)

Autumn in New York

Coming to you live from New York City... I'm having a wonderful time, even if the weather isn't cooperating so well. It's been damp, rainy, warm one minute, cold the next. But that hasn't stopped us from hitting the town with much vigor!!! My flight was about 25 minutes late. We left Chicago in pretty good time but once we got to LaGuardia, we circled around so many times I thought I was going to pass out. Luckily I didn't have a bag checked so I got right off the plane and headed toward the baggage claim to meet Elle, my friend who I am staying with. She didn't recognize me at first. She was probably zoning from waiting for so long for me. :) But it was so great to see her. I haven't seen Elle in over 5 years. She was one of the first people I met when I moved to Chicago in 1997. We became fast friends, and have remained so ever since. Our adventures were chronicled in my first journal, which I kept from 1997-1998. Click here to read some of the stories. So Elle and I, five years later, have reconnected, and are having an absolutely marvelous time. Yesterday we had dinner and hit the clubs in Chelsea. First we went to XL and then to G. Deadsville. Sure the boys were cute and all, but they were just both kind of not happening. But we walked the streets and checked out the neighborhood. It was a lovely evening, in around the 50's temp-wise. We took a taxi back to Elle's place in Brooklyn Heights, where we had the driver drop us at the promenade. Overlooking Lower Manhattan, this was my first view of that Battery Park area, in person, since 1994. I took some pictures, which I'll post when I get home. (I forgot my card reader, darnitall.) Today we slept in a bit and then headed to Uptown, where we intended on having lunch at Serendipity, but it was a mob scene. So we shopped around and caught a cab to the Plaza Hotel, where we took some more pictures and used the bathroom. ;) Off to Greenwich Village, where we finally had dinner at Cowgirl. Great comfort food in a down-home atmosphere with a gay twist. Just what I needed. :) Then off to some shopping... and a visit to the Magnolia Bakery... Oh. My. God. I never smelled such incredible chocolate in all of my life. They were baking fresh cupcakes. I just had to get a few. And some banana pudding that Elle said -- and which was confirmed by many of those in line -- was the best in the world. Got some of that too. :) Next stop-- downtown. Night was upon us, and it was time to see the sights and the lights. We started off near the Ed Sullivan Theatre and made our way to St. Patrick's Cathedral. Then off to Rockefeller Center and then Times Square. Where it started to pour. Cats and Dogs. It was cold, wet and crowded. I had a headache. It was time to catch a subway home. I took a 2 hour nap and here I am. We had plans to head out again, but with the weather being so crummy and us both feeling incredibly crappy, we decided to stay in. So tomorrow... a visit to Ground Zero. I had visited the World Trade Center in 1994 with my sister, and we went to the top to the observatory. That was just one year after the initial bombing in 1993. It was still fresh in our minds, but we went anyway. So the fact that I actually had visited WTC makes me want to see it now. It just feels like something I need to do. We're also going to try to catch Avenue Q, or some show, tomorrow. Hopefully that will happen, but if not, I'm sure we'll find something exciting to take up our time. My flight is at 9:00PM NYC time... I'll be home by 10:30PM Chicago time. So there's a lot to do with very little time to do it all. Nothing like being on the go! :) I'll have pictures galore when I get home. In the meantime, have a wonderful weekend.

Start Spreadin' The News...

Well the time has come! I am on my way to NYC in a couple hours. I have to tell you one thing before I leave. Last night, I came home to find a package in my mailbox. When I saw the name I smiled and said "What on earth is she sending me?" I ran up the steps to my apartment, grabbed a scissors and carefully cut open the package. I found a beautiful hand-knitted scarf inside from Pua. Here's me in front of (a picture of) the Brooklyn Bridge, wearing my new scarf! I called her right away to thank her. It's really gorgeous. :) Pua says it's a hug from her... and I truly believe it. :) So here and now I want to say thank you, Pua. You're an absolute gem of a person. Your heart and her soul shines through in everything you do. Your love for your family and her passion for your friends is so evident. I'm really touched. And this gift, hand-crafted with love from Pua herself, was a huge way of making me feel very, very special. I have made some wonderful friends in my time here in blog-land. I treasure each and every one of you. We share each other's joys and sorrows, triumphs and tragedies. And we bitch when there is plenty to bitch about. :) It's been a wonderful experience so far, and I can honestly say I'm glad to have become a part of it. Mush mush mush, I know. But... honest. So thank you, Pua. I will wear it with pride. :) And have a wonderful weekend everyone. I will be back on Sunday with stories and pictures. In the meantime, be good. :)

Bloggers' Block

I dont know what it is, but for some reason, lately, I have not been able to come up with anything to post. I'm not depressed or anything... I haven't been sick... and yeah, that incident at work sucked, but I'm not going to stop blogging because of it or anything. I just haven't been thinking of anything clever/insightful/interesting/ground-breaking to say. I've noticed that the whole phenomenon of blogging seems to go in cycles. From week to week, it seems like the early and later days of the week are heavy days for posting. And then the early and later weeks of the month are heavier. This isn't scientific or anything (thank God or I'd be boring you all to tears. [Too late] )... it's just something I've noticed is all. Countdown to NYC - 2 Days! I can't believe it's already arrived. This year has gone by so fast. It seems like a month ago I was planning this trip to NYC. And now it's almost here. Next thing you know I'll be Christmas shopping. Ugh. Thank goodness I get a bonus at the end of the year. Yes, I am extremely fortunate to work for a company that still gives bonuses around Christmas time. They call them "Longevity bonuses" because they're based on how long you've worked there, but to those of us of the Gentile persuasion, it's nice to get them before Christmas. Of course they usually don't distribute them until the week before Christmas, so that makes things a little hairy. But hey... it's a bonus. I am certainly not complaining. And for what it's worth... it's a NICE bonus, too. :) So I apologize if you don't hear much from me this week. I will try to blog more up til I'm gone, and then while I'm away.

My name is Rick, and I am a Blog Addict.

"HI Rick" I got "talked to" at work on Friday. You know the "talking to" I am talking about. The kind where your bosses sit you down and say, "We really like you, Rick, and we love what you do for us..." "BUT...." Yes, folks, apparently I spend too much time on the Internet at work. Now don't all clutch your pearls in unison at the shock of that statement. I am sure it was as much of a surprise to you as it was to me. Yeah, hardly. I know. So it seems that I spend way too much time browsing blogs and chatting on Tribe when I should be working. Admittedly, when I first started my blog, I was bad. REALLY bad. I definitely spent more time blogging and Tribe-ing than... well... working. That has drastically dropped off since then. I rarely ever blog from work now, and hardly ever pull up Tribe. I guess I sensed that my concentration was drawn away, or that other people were noticing that I wasn't paying 100% attention to my work like everyone else should does. I also never see other people at work distracted by Coach Purse websites or baseball websites or "Fucked Company.com" websites or "Drudge Report" websites or "Smoking Gun" websites or... (Yeah... apparently I really do.) See, I feel as if I am being targeted as a scapegoat here. Granted, I am browsing around a lot. Probably more than I should. But in the grand scheme of things, it's not a whole lot more than what other people do. Everyone abuses the power of the Internet at work. I walk down the halls and see secretaries playing Solitaire. Is that productive? Is that helpful to the end work product? I highly doubt it. Yet I am the one that gets called on it. Just my luck I guess. I'm not worried about this. As I said earlier, now the the initial novelty of the world of blogs has worn off, I can just as easily wait until I get home to post that all-important thought that crossed my mind during the day, or tell that silly story that I've been dying to share. But it still pisses me off bothers me just a little bit, that they took time out of the day to slap me on the hand and shake their fingers at me. I've been in this position at this place for 3 years. I hit 4 years in April of 2005. I think that's enough time, don't you?

Lost in myself

I haven't been myself lately. I was actually supposed to spend part of the weekend with my family but because I had the flu bug, my mom encouraged me to stay home. I sort of wish I hadn't, but I needed the rest. I must have slept a combined total of 24 hours over the course of the weekend. Obviously, I needed the sleep. I've actually spent more time in the last few days just shutting myself off from the world. I've been sleeping. I've been reading. I've been playing with my cats. I made chocolate chip cookies on Sunday. (That's nothing to be alarmed about, I just wanted to mention that I am so domestic. You want me now, don't you?) What's wrong with me? Nothing. I sometimes just get lost inside of myself and want to be alone. No friends, no bars, no family, nothing. Hardly even any blogging. Just me-time. In fact, when I went to chorus rehearsal on Sunday, I felt a strange twinge of agoraphobia unlike any I have ever felt before. I had shut myself off so effectively that I actually feared being in a crowded situation. Was all of this the result of my being disappointed with the election? Because I had a touch of the flu toward the end of last week? Because I was angry at the world and would rather not have associated with anyone? Maybe it was a combination of all of those things. But I'm better now. I've turned a corner. I am ready to face some new challenges-- changes in my life. See, I have been doing the same thing over and over again for probably the last 3 years. I go to work. I come home. I fire up the computer. I chat. I cruise online. I occasionally hook up. I go out with friends on weekends. I go to chorus on Sunday. And on Monday, it all starts over again. It's time for a new cycle. So with all that being said, here are some things I want to see happen for myself in the next 6-12 months. 1. I want to start actively dating again. I haven't been good with dating in a very long time. My mind, heart, and body are all ready for this. I am tired of being single and, more importantly, being slutty. I am moving past that. The prospect of online hookups bore me now. I am sick of the whole scene. I want to get to know someone, have dinner with him, see a movie, hold hands, and talk. Is that too much to ask? 2. I want to buy my own place. I am tired of renting and paying into someone else's pocket. I am becoming more financially stable and it's time for me to take the next step. I thought that I couldn't do that until I got "Married" but I can't wait forever. I will start actively looking into this after the holidays. 3. I am going to read more. I recently rediscovered reading and am loving it. I finished a book that I started almost 1 1/2 years ago and have started two more. I'm finding that reading is much more productive than, as I said before, sitting online. This is something that is already in progress. 4. I am going to go back to the gym. Yes, folks, you read this correctly. I have been paying into a gym membership for the last 4 years and haven't gone. Once. That's right, I have been wasting my money. So one of two things has to happen here. One, I start going again (to Bally's) or I cancel the damn thing and get a membership somewhere that I know I will go. Suggestions are encouraged here. I can use all the motivation I can get. But dammit, it's time I do something about it. 5. I am going to take voice lessons. I sing well, and I have gotten by quite well on my own thus far, but... I want a solo in the next chorus show. I didn't say a group number or a "cover" role. A solo. Just me. I will succeed. (Insert visions of "Showgirls" here, if you must.) 6. I will volunteer more. I have three different friends that work for three prominent gay and/or HIV/AIDS organizations in Chicago. They are always looking for volunteers. I want to give more of my time to causes that make sense. And finally, 7. I will brood less on my blog. Pissy people don't hold on to readers. I've discovered this to be true. I want more readers. Therefore, less brooding. See how that all works? OH... and nine days til New York City! Whee! I can't wait. :)

Innocuous, Inane and Insane Wastes of Time

These two sites were just brought to my attention. I am now bringing them to yours. Enjoy wasting countless hours of time, as I have. And still am. Guess the Dictator and/or Television Sit-Com Character: http://www.smalltime.com/dictator.html Can you believe someone actually thought of this? I'm still trying to stump it. My first choice was Mrs. Roper. I love Mrs. Roper. Muumuus rock. Identifont http://www.identifont.com Have fun!

Need some laughs?

Here's a few things to brighten up the blahs of the past week. This one was just sent to me. By my mom. Have I mentioned how much I LOVE MY MOM!!!! How many members of the Bush Administration are needed to replace a lightbulb? The Answer is TEN: 1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed 2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed 3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb 4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either: "For changing the light bulb or for darkness" 5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Haliburton for the new light bulb 6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a stepladder under the banner "Light! Bulb Change Accomplished" 7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally "in the dark" 8. One to viciously smear #7 9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light bulb-changing policy all along 10. And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country. And here's a few chuckles, courtesy of the Comics Pages. One Big Happy There's something about this comic that just tickles me every time I read it. Pluggers Oh to be a plugger right now... ugh.

Get over yourself

Thanks, Aaron, I needed that. OK, enough, Rick. Aside from the fact that I have the flu, from this day forward, no more doom and gloom. Time to get back into life and live, baby. LIVE! I'm a Chicago Blogger! It took four months... FOUR MONTHS! But I am now listed on Chicago Bloggers. No big whup, but it's another search engine that hopefully will draw more innocent eyes to my crazy world. If you have arrived here via Chicago Bloggers, welcome! I do Flu, do you do Flu too? My shoulders ache, my head is swimming, my throat is dry and my head feels hot. Is it the flu? Damnit. I should have gotten a shot. Oh wait... there were not shots to get. Great. Just what I needed. Of course I'm at work right now. I have to get out of here and curl up in bed. Yuk. I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas I got a small role in CGMC's upcoming show, "Fa La La La Blah Blah Blah"... I'm in the quartet that sings the song "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas." Yes, that's right, I get to sing about wanting a pachyderm for the holidays. Hey, if I can't get a boyfriend, I might as well get something... NYC Here I Come! In just two short weeks I will be on my way to New York City. I got the confirmation last week. I'll be visiting my friend Ellizzette and hopefully connecting with Aaron and other bloggers out there. Unfortunately I'll be missing a mini blogger meet two weeks later that will include Tuna Girl, Hot Toddy and others. Darn, Darn, DARN! If it weren't for my shows I'd be there. Oh well, it's a bitch being a showgirl. Thanks Finally, I just want to thank everyone who has made my foray into the blogworld enjoyable. Your comments, your support and your friendship have meant a great deal to me. You lift me up when I need support, and you knock me around when I need a good kick in the pants. Thank you. And just for the record, I'm not quitting, anytime soon. I'm just getting started.

Where do I go from here?

I must admit, I am feeling somewhat lost at the moment. I have this overwhelming feeling of uselessness. Like I have nothing more to contribute to society or life in general. My existence is just... there. Attribute it to the results of "Black Tuesday" if you will. Attribute it to my feeling like someone stepped on my head with a 30-ton foot. Attribute it to whatever you want. I just feel useless right now. I feel like I have nothing interesting to say. I read other people's blogs and I get a similar feeling from some people out there. This guy chose to quit. Should I? Hm. Holy crap. I just looked at Palochi's blog. He titled his posting for today's the same as what I have listed above. Honest, Palo, I didn't copy. I feel the same damn way. He says we have a duty as bloggers to get the truth out. What if we don't know the truth? What if we have nothing more truthful to say except "I AM PISSED OFF" and "I AM SICK OF BEING PUSHED AROUND" or maybe even "I WILL NOT STAND FOR ANY MORE OF THIS ASSHOLE'S CRAP!" Well maybe that is a good start. Among my friends, blogging and non-blogging, there seems to be an overwhelming sense of hopelessness. One friend said he's fucking everything that moves because it's going to be illegal soon anyway. Not the greatest way to deal with things if you ask me, but I can see his point. This president has an agenda, and it does not include my rights, my freedoms or my personal security. He wants to bomb terrorists. And they want to bomb us. And they are going to bomb us, no matter what we do to them. Face it, folks. We are doomed. I just can't help thinking this. We are doomed. So where do I go from here? Well, this weekend, I am going home to my mom and dad, who are thankfully Democrats and hate this bastard as much as I do, and tell them that I love them. I am going to tell them that I thank them for caring enough to bringing me into this world, no matter how horrible it is turning out to be. I am going to thank them for continuing to support me and love me, even though I am gay and our president and his cronies think that I am evil and contributing to the cause of ruin in our society (which is, of course, a crock of shit, but hey, when you vote a president in because of MORALS I guess that means that I'm amoral.) And I'm going to tell them that no matter what happens, I will always love them. Because that's all that matters. And then life will go on. Somehow.

Four more years

We are doomed.

Eminem and The New Yorker

Two scathing, honest, brutal portrayals of our illiterate (as opposed to illustrious), incompetent, unbearable president are available for your viewing right here. First, The New Yorker magazine editors have written this editorial that outlines every single succinct reason why Bush should be given his pink slip tomorrow. Read it and cheer. Second, although I'm not a big fan of his music by any stretch, Eminem has an absolutely scathing, brutal and riveting video, entitled "Mosh," which portrays our president as the crook and the cheat that he is, while encouraging people of all races, colors and creeds to PLEASE VOTE. Finally, that is my message to you. Vote. Whatever you believe. Please vote. See you at the polls.