Have a New Year!

What's so Happy about a New Year? Is it the starting over factor? The chance to right wrongs? The clean slate? It's just another day, really. You could easily make all the same mistakes and dumbass errors that you made, oh say, yesterday. Why is one day so significant? Yeah there's that whole changing the year thing. Big whoopty-doo. I forget to remember about that for at least 5 months after it happens anyway. Besides, the year, just like age and everything else, is just a number, really. So the Happy part of the New Year probably lies in booze, drinking and drunkenness. Resolutions aren't happy. They're unrealistic promises you make to yourself-- and probably others-- that you had no intention of doing or sticking to at any other time of the year. But because the year is changing, and the sparkly crystal ball is dropping in New York City, and Dick Clark is ... well he's in bed because he's getting old (finally), we make all these promises that we do try to keep. For a few weeks at least. And then we just slip back into our old, familiar patterns. Because that's what we as humans do. So why don't we just wish people to simply have a GOOD new year? It's going to happen anyway. And if it ends up being happy, well, then that's even better for you, and everyone else around you. As for me, I definitely want to have a good new year. But I'm not going to change every last thing about myself or devise some schematic "master plan" to make sure that my happiness is insured. Hell, that's too much work. I would rather just continue being a good friend, being honest with myself and others, finding the good in situations rather than the bad (this is sometimes hard to do), and enjoying every single day that I have on this Earth. And when things don't go my way, having the right to pitch a bitch and whine about it until it does. Because, gentle readers, that's what life is all about. So Have a Good... Great... ok fine.. WONDERFUL New Year. That is my wish for all of you. And I hope you have fun tonight, whatever it is you may be doing. As for me, I'm going to be getting all gussied up in my Tuxedo and going to a swanky party. Hey, I may not have a date, and may not find a hunky, rich bachelor to connect with, but dammit, I'm gonna look GOOD. Oh, and be very grateful that this was my New Year's post. I was going to outline every single thing that happened in 2004. But I got bored writing it. And surely if I got bored writing it, you were going to be bored reading it. I'm always thinking of you. You're welcome. With love, Rick

Retraction/Take Action

A couple of days ago, I wrote in a post about Nate Berkus and a friend, who were visiting Phuket in Thailand and were involved in the horrible Tsunami. I used the situation to playfully suggest that Mr. Berkus was my "future husband" and it "serves him right" for going on vacation with a 'friend.' In looking back on my post for that day, and realizing that, at the time, nobody really knew of the magnitude or the gravity of the situation in South Asia, I regret making those comments simply to make a joke, no matter how light-hearted it was meant to be. In fact, I have since learned that Mr. Berkus is missing a friend after the devastation. I couldn't wish that kind of ill will on my worst enemy. Therefore I apologize if at any time that comment was taken offensively by anyone who may have read it. This retraction and apology was not at all prompted by anyone or anything, other than me re-reading the post and realizing that I was in error. My apologies as well to Mr. Berkus and his friends and family. This is no time to be making a joke or making light of such situations. Since I'm feeling this way, I would like to place some links here that connect readers to ways that they can donate money or find out more information about the Tsunami and its victims. I have no idea what the impact may be, or if my doing this will help at all, but in light of the situation, any amount of help, helps. To donate to the American Red Cross, you can visit Amazon.com and make a donation. The money goes 100% to the Red Cross to provide food, water and also to get victims returned safely home, among many other things. Visit http://www.amazon.com and click on the American Red Cross logo on the splash page. There are many blogs about the tragedy, and blogs that list information resources. I will list those here: http://tsunamihelp.blogspot.com/ http://tsunamimissing.blogspot.com/ http://tsunamihelpneeded.blogspot.com/ http://opinion.paifamily.com/index.php?p=1134 To donate directly to the International Red Cross: http://redcross.org

Depressing Day

For a time when there should be so much joy, it sure has been dreary lately. Terrible news on the TV. The disaster in Asia is just going to get worse. It's heartbreaking. I can't imagine what those people are going through. And the people visiting, just enjoying time away from the hubub and insanity of life. Destroyed in seconds. Buses, cars, windows, chairs, children, people. Washed away faster than anyone could imagine. TV and the news media, in their infinite need to imbibe us with the details over and over again, are again inundating us with images, sounds, words and sights that we are sure to never forget. Much as they did on 9/11. We should be wishing each other "Happy New Year." We should be enjoying our Christmas presents and reveling in the wonder of "The Season." And God has delivered to us this. To remind us that yep, he's still the Boss. But why, God, did you have to do it to these people? Why these good people, who did nothing more than live their daily lives in peace and harmony? These people whose sole existence is to enjoy the fruits of this Earth and the glorious place they lived? All this, swept away in one huge wave. Yeah I know, you work in mysterious ways. I've heard it before. But sometimes your mystery bewilders me. And yet we go on. I'm still going to my New Year's Eve party on Friday night (alone). We'll ring in the new year with champagne and well-wishes. And hopefully a kiss from a handsome stranger. Maybe God can work some mysterious ways in my favor for once. Ya think?

Aw Phucket

Aren't you glad you aren't in Thailand? What a horrific scene. I can't imagine what those people are going through. My future husband, Nate Berkus was there. I'm sure you knew that, because he's been on just about every single news channel talking about it for the last couple days. (He's such a media whore.) At least he's safe. That's what he gets for vacationing with a "friend". In fact, I was watching Fox News, which I am not that oft to do, yesterday morning. And they said they were going to talk to Nate Berkus. Although they mispronounced his name in some odd way that I can't quite remember. Fair and balanced maybe, but for cryin' out loud, get the name right, folks. Anyway, they get Nate on the phone and he starts going on about the devestation and how tragic it was. And the news anchor says something to the effect of "They are saying that 22,000 people have died." And Nate says "That's less than Howard Stern's listening audience" And Mr. Fox News says "And we'll move on from here." And Nate.. or "Nate" hangs up the phone. Some people will do anything for a joke.

Christmastime is was here

Christmastime was here Gifts and food and cheer I'm not sad, In fact I'm glad It's done for one more year. Money's all been spent (Glad I paid the rent) All so I Could go and buy Everyone a present. Family time this year Made me cringe in fear Dad was mad Cause sister had Arrived past 3, oh dear. But all else aside There's no one who died We still employed That Christmas joy From somewhere deep inside All apologies to Vince Guaraldi and Charles Schulz. So yes, it's all over. And nobody died. That's always a good thing. The verse about my sister and my father is quite true. Since dad is housebound due to his Diabetes, he can't go out for Christmas Eve celebrations anymore. So he has to sit at home and wait for us to return from my Aunt's house with food and gifts for him. We always bring him his food as soon as it's ready, but he has to wait for the gifts until we get home for the night. And of course, we never get home fast enough to satisfy him. Eventually a phone call will be made to my Aunt's house, complaining that he's waited long enough-- get home now. For the last few years, we would come home from my Aunt's and then open gifts with him that night. This year we decided to wait until Christmas day. That's usually no problem either, as long as we do the gift opening in the morning. But this year, we decided it didn't make sense for my sister and her husband to come at the butt-crack of dawn all the way from Round Lake (45 minutes away) to open presents, sit around all day long and wait until dinnertime, have dinner, and then leave. So we decided to have them come at 3, open gifts, then eat dinner. BIG MISTAKE. My father, who was never adept at displaying anything resembling patience (I highly doubt that this particular virtue was even bestowed upon him at birth), proceeded to WHINE to my mother and I about the fact that HE couldn't open his Christmas presents on Christmas morning, just because my sister wasn't there. And since this was HIS house and HE owned it, he could do what he wanted to do. So he demanded to open at least some of his presents. Now mind you. My father is 66 years old. That's right folks, this nearly 70 year old man was whining and throwing a tantrum about his Christmas presents. It's frustrating, embarrassing and, not to mention, downright annoying. But if we don't cave in to his demands, he will nag and nag about it until we want to pull the hair directly out our heads. So we cave. Over and over again. Dear readers, please understand that I do love my father very much. But as time progresses, I can only take visits with him in smaller and smaller doses. And the rest of the family feels the same way as I. My Aunt (his sister) was supposed to make an appearance today but never showed up. My Uncle (his brother, the priest), who has the most patience of all three of them, showed up for dinner. Nobody else came to visit him. It's truly a depressing situation. And it causes the entire family a lot of stress. But we deal with it the best we can. And while sometimes our caving to his whining only exacerbates the problem, it's the only way we can enjoy peace and quiet. For at least a few moments. Growing old is not fun for members of my family. It makes me extremely sad to witness this. I try as hard as I can to put on a happy face and make things at least appear alright. If I didn't have my mom and her positive mental outlook, I don't know how I could survive these gatherings. How she puts up with my father, I have absolutely no idea. I mean, I visit for a couple days and I can go home to relative peace and quiet. She lives with the nagging, the whining and the bitching and moaning EVERY SINGLE DAY. I've said it before, I'll say it again. There some mighty big wings waiting for her up in Heaven.

Merry Christmas To All

Well the gifts are all wrapped, the cards are all sent, and the big day is about to happen. So at this time, I want to send this wish to all of you on this wonderful holiday. Enjoy. Happy Holidays! Rick

Cards and Letters

When I first moved out of my parents' house, I couldn't wait to write Christmas Cards. I got my list together, wrote them all out, addressed them, stamped them and sent them on their merry way. Three weeks before Christmas. I felt like Suzy Homemaker. The next year I joined the Chorus. That cut a week out of my process. Yet I still faithfully wrote, addressed, stamped and sent every single card. My third year in Chicago, I joined the throngs of people who added a Christmas Letter to their cards. I found a cute set of stationery that matched the cards I was sending, chose an equally cute font, and wrote away. I kept it short and sweet. But the writing, printing, and folding of those letters added time. I didn't quite get everyone's cards out that year. I felt bad, but what could I do? They were late by about a week. Oh well, Happy New Year. The next year, I took a picture of my previous year's Christmas Tree and designed the letter around it. I printed out a ton of letters. I sent maybe 10 cards. The following year, I bought cards, but didn't write a letter. I did buy some cute stationery, but decided at the last minute that I didn't have time to compose anything. I wrote some out and put names on them. And they sat in the card boxes for a full year. So this year, I was on a mission. I picked up some nice cards at the store. I wrote out my messages and addressed the envelopes. I'm almost done. I can't believe it. I'm actually going to send Christmas Cards this year. As insane as my holiday has been, I'M GONNA DO IT! I guess I got my motivation back. We'll see what happens tomorrow. Want a card? Send me your address. You might just get one! Merry Christmas everybody!

Motivation = 0

I'm exhausted. I don't want to work. I don't want to shop. I'm tired of parties. I just want to sleep. And eat. And sleep some more. And maybe have sex once in a lifetime. Is that too much to ask? The holidays are wearing on me. I finally did some shopping after work last night. Yeah it wasn't so bad, but I still have a couple more things to get. I'm really not motivated enough to get them. But I will. Work is a drag, too. Everyone's taking vacations and it seems like all we are doing is sitting there creating work to do. Hell, next Monday, out of a department of over 15 people, I am one of maybe 6 that will actually be IN the office. I'm sensing a long lunch ahead of me. Or hopefully an early end to the day. That'd be a novel idea. It's a struggle just to get dressed. As the sun rises and light filters into the room, I don't notice that it's morning and I have to get up; I enjoy how warm the sun makes the room feel and snuggle up under the covers and want to sleep more. Is that wrong? Is that nuts of me? Yet here I am, freshly showered and brushing my teeth (I'm quite talented at multi-tasking; you'd be amazed.) I'm forcing myself to go out in the bitter cold and transport myself to a desk for 8 hours, under unforgiving fluorescent lighting and confining ergonomic conditions. Yup, that's my job in a nutshell. So I hope that your day goes well. Joy to the world.

The Rainbow Arch strikes again

But this time it's HILARIOUS http://www.rainbow.arch.scriptmania.com/rainbow_tv_episode.html Thank you, David.

It's colder than...

DAMN it's cold outside tonight! It's colder than.. ...A witch's tit.... ...my ex's heart... (OK, not really... ) ...a penguin's patootie... ...a Minnesota summer... ...Donald Rumsfeld's personality... ...George Bush's brain.... NOW do you believe me how cold it is out there???? Can you think of any others?

It's colder than...

DAMN it's cold outside tonight! It's colder than.. ...A witch's tit.... ...my ex's heart... (OK, not really... ) ...a penguin's patootie... ...a Minnesota summer... ...Donald Rumsfeld's personality... ...George Bush's brain.... NOW do you believe me how cold it is out there???? Can you think of any others?

The Party's Over

Tonight was my annual Holiday/Birthday party. After a good month's worth of preparation, the fact that it's now over is somewhat of a letdown, but also a major relief. No more do I have to worry about how much I have to spend on groceries (FAR too much), who is coming (I would venture to guess that close to 80 people came through my place tonight), or whether I would run out of food or drink (I didn't, but damn the Vodka didn't last long!) The party started at 8PM and the last people left at about 1:45 AM. All told, I would have to say that it was a smashing success. And a lot of fun. The thing I like about the group of people I call friends is that no matter what the configuration, or what the setting, there is never a worry that people will get along or be able to socialize. Everyone is extremely friendly, warm and fun to be around. As a host, it lifts a huge burden off my shoulders because I can just enjoy the party and my friends' company. That's one of the beautiful things about being in a Chorus-- or two Choruses for that matter. While there's always something that we all have in common, we also truly like each other. Sure there's a few tiffs here and there, and maybe this person doesn't care for that person, but generally there's always someone else that you like and can strike up a conversation with. It's really an awesome thing to witness, even after having been a member for over six years. Not to mention the fact that, on the whole, chorus boys are pretty neat party-goers. I wish I had pictures to share. I charged up my camera batteries and everything, but I didn't pick it up once. Sorry about that. I was having too much fun. Oh well. It's over. Now I have dishes to do. I'll see you in a couple days. :)

I'm OK, How Are You?

My ankle debacle is still causing me pain, but I'm tooling around just fine. Thanks for your suggestions and well-wishes. (I had no vicodin so vodka had to do, Palochi.) My annual Holiday Party is this Friday. I've spent the week shopping, cooking, shopping, cleaning, shopping and cooking. I'll be serving homemade meatballs in sauce with crusty Italian (OK French, it's easier to find) bread, two different sets of homemade cookies and many, many drinks and goodies. I did most of the shopping yesterday, with the rest arriving via Peapod Friday morning. God bless Peapod. Luckily I have the temporary roommate (my ex) to help me with cleaning and carrying groceries up the stairs. I actually started my Christmas shopping as well. Everyone wants gift cards this year. Boring, I know, but hey, it makes my life a helluva lot easier. Especially since Dominick's, a local grocery chain, sells gift cards for just about everyone under the sun (including Sears, where for some reason everyone wants their gift cards to be from this year. Hey, saves me from having to actually go to the store!) So am I bad that I bought their Sears gift cards at a grocery store, or are they bad for wanting Sears gift cards at all? Or does it matter? Or does anyone really care at all? Yeah, that's it... who cares. My mom wants something from Crate & Barrel. No problem. I'm always happy to pay them a visit. I worked for them for 3 years before I started my current job. Man I miss that discount. :) Dad wants cologne or DVD's. Yes, my father, who never leaves the house, loves to wear cologne. In fact, he has an entire routine built around his colognes. One that would rival the most OCD person in the entire world. He has one bottle of cologne for each day of the week. He marks each one with a piece of medical tape with the word "Mon" "Tue" Wed" and so on, with the name of the cologne underneath. Because sometimes he transfers the cologne from the bottle it's in (if it's a splash bottle) into the one he keeps for that day (because it has a screw-off spray cap.) Then he puts it in the bathroom medicine cabinet for easy access with the medical tape label facing outward. I am not making this up. My dad does stuff like this all the time. And he's been doing it for years, even before he became housebound. He also has a box of Kleenex next to his chair. There's nothing odd about this, until you turn it upside down. There, written among the marketing patter about Kleenex's virtue as an excellent facial tissue, is every single phone number he should know, written in black ink. I imagine that every time he gets a new box of Kleenex (not Puffs, KLEENEX), he dutifully transfers each and every one of those numbers, in between viewings of Days of our Lives and The Westerns Channel. So I need to get my father cologne. He says he's out of Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. I haven't a clue which ones those were, so I hope to Heaven I don't duplicate Wednesday or Monday. Wish me luck.

Oh What Fun It Is To...

... twist your ankle and fall flat on your ass in the freezing cold! Yup. That's just what I did tonight, after the Slickers cabaret show. I'd just got done getting a bite with one of the members. I got out of his car and stepped onto the curb. When I stepped off, the pavement was uneven. I misjudged and down I went. I think it's going to be ok. Sure it hurts, but I can move it in all directions, and can put weight on it without screaming in pain. I have it propped up with an ACE bandage on it now and have it on ice. No swelling... so that's a good sign. But I know it's gonna hurt like a mothaf***er tomorrow. Just what I needed. ARRRGH!

How did you get here?

Welcome and thanks to...

The person who found RcktRamblings by searching "Really fucked up websites"

The other person who found RcktRamblings by searching "Pictures of ladies smoking Virginia Slims"

I hope you found what you were looking for! Welcome!!

It's all over!

The chorus show is all done. The stage has been struck, and the endlessly memorized music has begun already to fade from our memories. But the applause and the cheers and the laughter... still loud and clear. It was an amazing show, and a wonderful weekend. Well worth the blood, sweat and tears that we put into these things. It's a funny thing, these chorus shows. You spend 3-4 months preparing everything, rehearsing the music, going every week and sitting in (usually) the same spot, singing the songs, taking an occasional break, and then either going home or maybe out to the bar for a drink and pizza afterward. In all that time, when you have a group of 150+ guys, you tend to stick with your small group of friends. Either that or you only chat and kibbitz with those around you in your same section. You don't really get a chance to see who else is out there. Sure, they publish a roster that has faces and names of every chorus member. But that's a lot of faces and names. And sometimes people don't take the greatest pictures (as hard as I try, being the one that takes their pictures.) So you don't really get to see what they really look like unless you truly meet them in person. Except when the show moves to the theater. Then it's an all-bets-are-off situation. Suddenly, you notice that really cute guy in the bass section. You know the one. Definitely a little bit older than you, but WOW... very attractive. And DAMN does he look great in those jeans. (This is a rehearsal mind you, not a performance. Bear with me.) And what a nice smile. Where has he been for the last four months? You know his name, because you have seen the roster. But you've never really talked to him before. Yet suddenly, without warning, he approaches you and asks you about your recently failed hard drive. Without flinching, you strike up a conversation with him, as if you've talked to him all during the prep period. The flirtation has begun. Suddenly you realize that he's entering and exiting on the same side of the risers as you. Oh great! More chatting and flirting opportunities. Perfect! More words are exchanged. Flash that smile. There you go. He gives one back. Nice. Cut to showtime. Opening night. You're dressed in your white shirt and red tie, he in his white shirt and yellow tie. He comes up to you and wishes you good luck. You do the same, and give him a nice hug. He's a new member, so before the opening performance, he and the rest of the new members are given a token of appreciation for surviving sticking around through the prep period. You congratulate him as well and give him a little peck on the cheek. Day two, Matinee. More chitchat and flirting. You say good luck before walking on stage. Another friendly hug. How sweet it is. Day two, end of the late show. It's all over. The crowds are dispersing. You meet Mr. Adorable and congratulate him on completing his first show. You ask if he enjoyed himself and he says "absolutely, I loved it." Party time. You hope he shows up and he does. He looks great. And so do you, of course. It's now or never. Gotta see where this is going. So you finally get a chance to pull him aside and talk about more than just chorus and hard drives and how great he looks in jeans. (OK you don't mention that, but I'm just checking to see if you're still with me here.) He's getting ready to go home. He has his jacket on. You express your disappointment, but make sure to invite him to your holiday party the following week. He accepts, and you feel a twinge of excitement. Until he mentions that "The guy he is dating" is taking too long to get ready to go. "Um... excuse me... Who was that again?" He tells you, and you know who it is. In fact, you had seen them together but didn't get the connection. Suddenly it all comes clear. He says they're not terribly serious just yet, but they'd been dating since September. Great. Just my your luck.

I say it's my birthday

34 years ago, my mom had a baby boy. I was born at about 5:00 AM Central Standard Time. I was my parents' first born. They had only been married for 5 years at the time. I was named after my father. Richard Louis Aiello Junior. My middle name was that of my paternal grandfather. My mom was 26 years old at the time. My dad was 32. I was born Ceasarean Section. There were complications while trying to perform natural childbirth which prompted this. I am told I had a "cone head" for a while because of this. (Laugh if you want to. Go ahead. I dare you.) After the (then) customary weeklong stay in the hospital, I came home to live with my parents, where I stayed for 27 years before moving out on my own. My parents still live in that house, and I still sleep in that same bedroom when I come to visit. I grew up a predominantly happy child. There were rough times, of course. But I had wonderful, loving, yet stern parents. They helped shape who I am today. I am forever grateful for their constant love, guidance and support throughout these 34 years. Wow. 34 years. That's a long time. And yet I still feel so young. I guess age really is just a number.

Hell Week- 4 Down, 2 To Go

Opening night was tonight, and the show went off absolutely beautifully. I'm happy to say that after day four of "Hell Week," I'm almost sad to see it end. HA! OK I will admit, I like singing with the Chicago Gay Men's Chorus. A lot. I really enjoy being with the guys and I especially enjoy the experience of making music. It just takes up a lot of time and energy. I'm certainly willing to put forth that effort, seeing as how I've been doing it for the last 7 years (including this year.) What I have learned, however, is that I need to know when to say "when" and step back from it occasionally for my own health - mental and physical. I joined the chorus for the Holiday show of 1998. There are three shows per season- Holiday, Spring and Pride. The year I joined, I dropped out of the Spring show, but starting with the following Pride show, I had done every single show up until the spring show of 2003, when I finally decided it was time for a break. I won't go that long without a break again. It just isn't good for me, when there are so many other things I should be taking the time to do in my life. In fact, I've already decided that I will not do this season's Pride show. I am also going to probably quit the Windy City Slickers. Permanently. I like most of the people that I work with in that group, but aside from having more solo opportunities (since it's such a small group), I don't feel challenged enough by the repertoire; and quite frankly, I don't find the experience as fulfilling as the experience I continually have with the Chicago Gay Men's Chorus. As I mentioned a while back, there are a few things I want to accomplish in my life, and in the next year, I plan on making many of these things happen. One thing in particular that I am going to concentrate on making happen is to buy my own place. I really feel that it is time for me to start taking the next step in life. That means taking control of everything-- my time, my money and my ability to budget both. I have a lot of work to do, and I can't do it if my time is spent running from here to there all the time. Something's gotta give. So those are the things that have been running around inside my head for the last week. And I would assume that they will continue to run around and gain some momentum as the weeks progress. For once in my life, I can honestly say that I have some true goals. It's a bit scary, and yet exciting as well. I'm turning 34 years old this Sunday. Time is not waiting for me. I can't expect anyone-or anything-else to, either.

Welcome to Hell (Week)

I'm plum in the middle of the phenomenon known to all chorus boys as "Hell Week" right now. I don't get a night off until... next Monday. Yuk. So if I am not all that frequent with my posts, you'll know why. In the meantime, hope you are all keeping well (Get well, Pua!) and staying out of trouble. (Har har.) Off to work. (Couldn't I have the next three weeks off? Please?????)

A Note of Love to the Blogventioneers

Oh how I wish I could have been in New York City this weekend. It would have been great to have met Aaron and Patrick and Hot Toddy and Tuna Girl and Wayne and Mak and Tin Man and... Oh the list could go on and on and on. I did get a drunk dial, but I WASN'T HOME! (Thank you to Tuna Girl and.. someone else... the message cut out before you could identify yourself! I thought I gave y'all my cell phone number. I guess not. Poop.) I did, however, talk to Aaron and Patrick at Aaron's place after the festivities were over. I'm not sure if they remember our conversation, but we did talk. :) (I have to add, Patrick is one sexy mofo... his blog pix do NOT do him justice. :) And after seeing all the pictures and pictures and pictures and (more) pictures.... I want to host a Blogvention in Chicago. (Hear that, Palochi, NoFo, Mickey, Andy and any other Midwest-area bloggers?) In the springtime, when it's nice out, of course. Because you all look like so much fun... I really want to meet you all now. Every. Single. One. So start saving your pennies. Pua, this means you too. :)

Christmas Songs - My Favorites

With the tree going up and the decorating still going in in Casa de Ricardo, there's a lot of Christmas spirit to be had. The last couple of days I've been ripping all of my Christmas CD's onto my computer (since I had lost all of my MP3's in the big crash), and I've been enjoying the wonderful sounds of Christmas while getting into the spirit. There are always a few Christmas songs that I just can't go without hearing once, twice, or five-hundred times a season. They are just simply my favorites, and I don't ever get sick of hearing them. So here are some of my all-time favorite Christmas songs, by the specific artists. See if your favorites made the cut! (in no particular order) 1. The Christmas Song (Merry Christmas To You) - Nat (King) Cole 2. Ave Maria - The Carpenters 3. I Saw Three Ships - Mantovani 4. Still, Still, Still - Mannheim Steamroller 5. White Christmas - Bing Crosby 6. Merry Christmas Darling - The Carpenters 7. I Believe In Father Christmas - Greg Lake 8. Happy Christmas (War Is Over) - John Lennon 9. Wonderful Christmastime - Paul McCartney 10. Sleigh Ride - Boston Pops (Arthur Fiedler) 11. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas - The Pretenders 12. The Twelve Days of Christmas - The Muppets with John Denver (Ba dum bum bum) 13. Little Jack Frost (Get Lost) - Chicago Gay Men's Chorus (featuring Rick Aiello) (Yeah, I had to include it. :) 14. Little Drummer Boy - Harry Simeone Chorale 15. What Child Is This? - Vanessa Williams 16. Christmas Time Is Here - Vincent Guaraldi Trio (From A Charlie Brown Christmas) 17. Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree - Brenda Lee 18. Jingle Bell Rock - Bobby Helms (NOT Hall & Oates. I like them but I loathe their version!) 19. O Holy Night - Johnny Mathis 20. White Christmas - The Drifters 21. Let it Snow! - Doris Day 22. Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town - The Carpenters (The version they recorded in 1974, very jazzy and cool.) 23. Blue Christmas - Elvis Presley As I'm sure you could imagine, this list could go on forever, but this is a good sample of the ones I would say are my definite favorites. Of course, I pretty much like anything by The Carpenters... something about their Christmas albums just always puts me in the spirit right away. But there you have it. My favorites. What are some of yours?

O Christmas Tree

Isn't it pretty?

I'm Back

I haven't fallen off the face of the Earth. Honest. I am back... finally well and almost back in service on my computer, too. It took a while though. I went to the doctor on Tuesday and she recommended I stay home from work for two more days. That would make over one full week since I spent a full day at my desk at work. Sure I was up for the rest, but I hadn't been off for that long since my vacation in July. But hey... you saw my schedule a few days ago. I figured I might as well take the rest. I also decided to drop out of the Slickers show. I had already missed two Tuesday rehearsals due to being sick, and was going to miss all of the Technical rehearsals as well. It just didn't make sense for me to work myself up about those shows when, quite frankly, I needed to NOT be worked up about anything right now. The directors understood, my health comes first. I'm going to see the show on Saturday night, though. I figure if I can't be in it, the least I can do is see it. I am still going to be in the CGMC show, though. I went to rehearsal on Sunday (and to an optional "Tutti" rehearsal tonight) and I gotta tell you, CGMC is sounding incredible these days. I am really proud of the music we are making and how well we are making it. So if you're in the Chicago area and have a few bucks to spare, stop by the Athenaeum Theatre on either the 10th or 11th and check us out. (You can also check CGMC's site for show information if you so desire.) Pitch over. Let's see... oh... yes... there is another development in things as of late. See, my ex-boyfriend has moved back to the Chicago area permanently after a long time of 'finding himself' and spending time in California after we broke up. There is a long story in the making here, but let's just sum it up by saying that when we broke up in early 2002, it was not because of anything I did (or that he did to me.) He had some issues that he had to deal with and he went away to deal with them. In the meantime, I tried to remain faithful and loyal to him, but eventually I knew he wasn't going to be coming back anytime soon. He left in October of 2001, and by February 2002, we were through. I really loved this guy at the time, and I still care about him enough to want the best for him. But aside from that, there is nothing left of the romantic sort for him. Lots of events and eye-opening admissions from him have made me realize that he is definitely not the right person for me. However, he was my first true boyfriend that I really and truly fell in love with. So, as I have already said, I really care about him and want the best for him. OK ANYWAY. He has been living with his mom for the past few months while looking for a job in the Chicago area. He recently finally found a job and is now ready to start making a move back into the area. So he Emailed me the other day, saying he needed a place to stay. He will pay me $100 a week ($200 up front) and the rest once he gets his first paycheck. In the meantime he will look for a studio so he can get himself back on track on his own. OK are you following me here? I care about him. I want him to succeed. at the same time, I need the money. So I am letting him move in for a while. He will be here on Sunday. Hey I can use the help setting up for my party, right? ;) There is a lot more to this story than I am telling right here, but I don't want to go into it all right now. I am very guarded (and will remain so while he is here) about this... so I will just have to wait and see. There will be a lot of discussions when he gets here. In the meantime, I have an apartment to decorate. I started it last night and got all the boxes unpacked and knick-knacks out. The tree decorations are waiting for the tree to decorate. I just have to go find one now. So Christmas is a-coming. At least I won't be spending each day alone. For what that is worth.

What else???

I'm having the distinct suspicion that someone or something is out to get me. Today at work, I was feeling fairly good. Sure I was coughing like a crazy fool, but I still felt overall pretty good. Well apparently people at work didn't think so. I was called into my manager's office at about 3:00 PM and told to go home because they thought I wasn't well enough yet. That's nice and all, and thank you for your concern, but I was there to work and I was feeling fine. But, they insisted and I went home. So I got home and worked on a few things at my computer. Hey, I had the programs, so I figured I'd take a few things home. I sent those off and went to bed for a nap. (You think I wasn't going to sleep? Ha!) I woke up and checked Email, chatted a bit on the Internet and just took it easy. I got a notice saying that my Internet Security program needed updating, so I started the process to update it. I restarted the computer. I got a blue screen of death. That's right folks, my brand-new computer, not even 6 months old, has just gone kaput on me. Luckily I have a second computer at home (yes, I am that geeky) and was able to pull up Dell's customer support. I talked with the guy there and he ran me through a bunch of diagnostics, only to find that my hard drive has, indeed, crashed. Again. God. Damn. IT! So Dell is sending a new Hard Drive my way. That's wonderful and all, but it doesn't replace every fucking program and every fucking file that I had on the old one. And yes, I did keep backups but it'd been a little while since I'd done a backup. Now all that stuff is gone. Can I say it again? I'm going to anyway. GOD. DAMN. IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So tomorrow I am going to the doctor in hopes that I don't have Pneumonia. With the way my luck has been going, don't be surprised if I am admitted into the hospital for a while. I'm not saying I will be, but... ..just don't be surprised.

Holiday Blues Already

Can I tell you how much I am dreading December? My life is going to be full of nothing but rehearsals, shows and rehearsals for the next three weeks. You read that right, folks. THREE weeks. And somewhere in the middle of all that madness I have to clean my apartment, buy a Christmas tree, decorate it and my apartment, and buy groceries for my annual holiday party (December 17 if you are in the area). And meanwhile continue to go to work, rehearsals, shows and more rehearsals. Are you exhausted yet? I am already! :) Here's a rundown of my schedule for the next three weeks. If you see a moment where I can shop for an overpriced Christmas Tree before December 17, just let me know. Monday, November 29 Work 11:30 - 8:00 PM. OK I could probably try to find a tree after work, but that means taking the train all the way home, grabbing the car, driving to a tree place (hoping I find the hunky lumberjack guy that's sold me the last three trees I've bought in Chicago... Woof!) and then getting the thing home, up 3 flights of stairs, drag out all the Christmas crap, find the stand, plop the tree in the stand, water it, and maybe start decorating it if it's not already past 3am by that point. Yeah.. maybe not... Tuesday, November 30 Work 9:30 - 6:00 Rehearsal (Slickers) 7:00 - 10:00 PM Yeah, that day's shot. Next. Wednesday, December 1 Work 9:30 - 6:00 Dress Rehearsal (Slickers) 6:00 - 10:00 PM (?) Another day blown. Thursday, December 2 Work 9:30 - 6:00 What's this? Nothing to do after work? Hmmmm.. If I'm not dead from exhaustion already, I might be able to do something on this night. See how well you're helping me? What a great pal you are. Friday, December 3 Work 9:30 - 6:00 Show (Slickers) 6:00 call in Oak Park. Show starts at 8PM. Runs til 11PM. Notice how my work end times and my show/rehearsal call times overlap. Acrobatics and a bit of magic, my dear readers. Saturday, December 4 Show (Slickers) 3:00 call. (Luckily this is just blocks away from my house. Thank God for small miracles.) Showtime 5:00. SECOND SHOW 8:00 PM. Done by 11:00 PM. Party (Slickers) after show. Yeah this day's shot too. But wait, the week's not over yet. Sunday, December 5 Rehearsal (CGMC) 2:00 Call. Break 5:00. Start up again 6:00. Done by 9:00 PM. And the madness begins yet again. Monday, December 6 Work 11:30 - 8:00 PM A free night! Whoo hoo! What to do!? Where to go? Who to see? Oh yeah.. Clean.. shop... decorate... continue on.... Tuesday, December 7 Work 9:30 - 6:00 Rehearsal (Slickers) 7:00 - 10:00 PM In a perfect world, I'd have this night off, since that concert is already past. But no. I still have two more shows with this group. Read on. Wednesday, December 8 Work 9:30 - 6:00 Tech Rehearsal (CGMC) 6:00 - 11:00 PM Thursday, December 9 Work 9:30 - 6:00 Dress Rehearsal (CGMC) 6:00 - 11:00 PM Friday, December 10 Work 9:30 - 6:00 Show (CGMC) 6:00 Call; 8:00 Curtain, runs til about 11:00 PM Party afterward somewhere. Saturday, December 11 Show (CGMC) 3:00 Call; 5:00 Curtain, runs til about 7:00; Dinner break; 7:45 Call; 8:30 Curtain, runs til about 11:30 PM Cast Party afterward somewhere. Sunday, December 12 (my birthday) You'd think I'd get my birthday off, right? Ha! Tech Rehearsal (Slickers) 4:00 - 6:00 PM This is for our cabaret show, one of which is happening on Tuesday, the other on the following Sunday. I begged. I pleaded. I absolutely threw myself down at the mercy of the group to have this on another day. Nobody would budge. Thanks, guys. Monday, December 13 Work 11:30 - 8:00 I ain't doing shit tonight. Tuesday, December 14 Work 9:00 - 6:00 Show (Slickers) 5:30 Call (yeah we'll see how that goes); 8:00 Show - Done by 10 PM at the latest. Wednesday, December 15 Work 9:00 - 6:00 Crunch time... gotta get all the shopping done now! Thursday, December 16 Work 9:00 - 6:00 Last-minute cleaning... more shopping? Friday, December 17 - PARTY DAY No work (I took the day off.) Party starts at 8:00 PM Hell, if I ain't ready by now, fuck it. Saturday, December 18 A day of rest. Oh. My. GOD. Sunday, December 19 ONE MORE FUCKING SHOW! Show (Slickers) 5:30 Call; 8:00 Show - Done by 10 PM at the latest. Monday, December 20 I drop dead of exhaustion if I haven't already.

Thanksgiving - My mother, My hero

After reading my posting about Thanksgiving, I need to add a few things that I think are really imporant, after all that has happened (and now that I am feeling a WHOLE LOT better. God love drugs.) 1. I can't begin to express my appreciation, admiration and adoration for my mother. The woman is an absolute goddess. Upon her amazingly fragile shoulders, she carries this family, and carries it with the strength of 150 mothers and fathers combined. When the chips are down for her, she sees the silver lining and never, EVER gives up. She plods onward and makes things happen. If she, in her own weakened condition, can still do these things, then I am a far, far weaker person. I don't know if I could handle it. 2. This weekend, my mother cooked a 23 lb. turkey, baked two pies, prepared sweet potatoes, vegetables, stuffing and all the rest of the fixings IN ADDITION TO caring for my father and accompanying him to the hospital AND taking care of me when I was feeling ill. She then proceeded to feed four hungry people. 3. The next day, my mother and I went to my sister's house, where she baked COUNTLESS dozens of cookies-- more than I could handle in my own weakened condition -- and still went home feeling fine. I was the one who had to sleep for 4 hours. 4. Today, my mom was up and around again, ready to begin another day's chores and activities, while I, in my still-weakened condition, could barely move. Now granted, when I'm 100% healthy, I can run circles around the lady. But sometimes she does the same to me. And it simply astounds me. She just never quits. I want to share a story about my mom with you. This story has long inspired me to believe in my mother as my hero. I think you will agree that she is rightly named as such. In 1994, everything that could have possibly went wrong with my mom went wrong. It all started with her hip replacement surgery, which, ironically, was supposed to finally make something right. She had for years been suffering from a deteriorated hip joint due to Legg Perthes Disease, which had afflicted her as a child. The hip replacement was many years too late in coming. The surgery was a success, but her recovery, and the toll that everything took on her heart and lungs weakened her system drastically. However, we did not know this right away. In the hospital, all her signs were good for a full recovery. She went to physical therapy, got better, and came home. After a couple weeks had passed, we noticed that mom was falling asleep at very odd times. Watching TV... at dinner... while talking to her. She had never done this before. We also noticed that when she did sleep at night, she snored so loudly that we could hear it in adjoining rooms. Again, this was never the case before. Finally, one day while at work, (my mom was a nurse at the same hospital where she had her surgery) a fellow nurse noticed that her nail beds were blue. Definitely a bad sign. So back to the hospital she went... to discover she had developed Emphysema as a result of the stress that her surgery and recovery put on her lungs; and also due to the fact that she had Asthma and was never correctly diagnosed. 3-4 weeks later she returned, forced to retire from work, and on Oxygen. But that wasn't the end. While doing cancer tests mainly on her lungs (my mom was a smoker for many years, however she had not smoked in over 10 years at this point), the doctor noticed blood in her urine and ordered a test on her kidneys. A lump was revealed. Mom had kidney cancer. This scared us the most of all. Our family has seen the ravages of cancer on friends and family members alike. The extent of this cancer would not be known until the kidney came out, and it definitely had to come out. We were afraid of this procedure not only because of what the results could be, but because of the further stress on my mom's already battered body. But mom surged forward and remained strong, although she did take some time to take pictures with my sister and I and the rest of the family, just in case. This was a very scary time for all of us. The day of surgery came, and the whole family waited together. When the news came that the got the kidney, we were elated. It had not spread, and they got it in time. Mom was safe, for now. We all headed to the hospital's Intensive Care Unit to see mom. She had been intubated and was still asleep. When she awoke and saw us standing there, we could tell she was scared, but encouraged. "How are you feeling, Mom?" I asked her. Gently, and gingerly, my mom raised her right arm. And then, with a single, sudden movement, gave us the "Thumbs-Up" sign. Now, after all she had been through; after all the pain and suffering, worry and despair, and procedures and operations; for this now-fragile woman to wake up from surgery, with tubes down her throat and in her arms, to be strong enough and sharp enough to know exactly what she needed to say in one simple gesture, conveyed to me that this was no ordinary woman. Awash in tears, I knew right then and there that this extraordinary woman was more than just my mother. She was, indeed, my hero. And I still believe this today. That's something --someone-- to be thankful for, if you ask me.

Thanksgiving from Hell

Aah Thanksgiving. Turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, sweet potatoes, and pumpkin pie. Simple, right? Not this year. Not long after I posted about rcktman.com being up, I got a phone call from my mom. They had taken my dad to the hospital on Wednesday night. Another Diabetic problem. He was delirious, didn't know where he was, couldn't get in or out of chairs, and even wet himself on his living room chair. My mom had been with him all night in the emergency room. She was just getting home and getting to bed. She wasn't sure if dinner was still on or not, since we were going to also host my dad's brother (the priest) and their cousin. With me being sick and dad in the hospital, mom was about ready to call it all off. But I was feeling a little better by Thursday morning (I had barely slept since I slept almost all day Wednesday) so I told her I'd be there to help her out. I finally got myself together and out the door by 1pm on Thursday. I hit some traffic on the way up, so I didn't get to her house til 3pm. But by then a lot was already done, I just had to help with the heavy stuff. Dinner finally occurred at 6pm. We were done and cleaned up by 7. And then out to see my dad. Dad was still not doing so well. I could tell he wasn't completely coherent about his surroundings yet, and he was certainly not happy to be there. He did know it was Thanksgiving, and didn't want to be there for it. I couldn't blame him, but then, considering the circumstances, I'd rather have him there than anywhere else. As I've explained before here, my mom and dad are both not extremely well health-wise. With dad's diabetes and mom's emphysema, it makes it hard for both of them to even live together, since my dad is essentially confined to his chair, as he can barely walk... and mom has a hard time getting around because any over-exertion and she starts coughing and wheezing. Yet somehow they still live in the same house I grew up in and get by. I keep waiting for the episode that will change all of that once and for all. It's not because I like to be doomy and gloomy; it's just that it's inevitable and it's going to happen soon. The next day, my mom and I were supposed to go to my sister's to make Christmas cookies. I was feeling fairly OK, although the fever has still not settled into the "normal" zone. I called my doctor to see if she would prescribe me something without me coming in and luckily (since what I now have is sounding more along the lines of bronchitis, which I've had zillions of times) she prescribed some antibiotics for me. But I was feeling bullish so I went along to my sister's anyway. Probably not the best idea. After a few batches of cutouts and spritz cookies (and that was just scratching the surface), I was exhausted. I started coughing violently. So I took a nap in my sister's spare bedroom. I missed the rest of the cookie baking. Luckily they split up the batches and gave me some to take home. :) So I came home and crashed again... and this morning woke up feeling incredibly sore and worn out from all of the violent coughing I've been doing. So I gingerly got my stuff together and got ready to head home. My mom felt bad for having me go along to my sister's yesterday, but I told her I made the choice to go, it's my own fault. She shouldn't have to worry herself so much. So Here I am... I still have a few things to bring upstairs. It's pouring rain outside, it's simply miserable, and I just want to go to bed. But my bed is stripped because all my sheets are in the car (I did sheets and blankets at my mom's house while I was there.) Great. Today is just one of those "Calgon Take Me Away" days that you always saw on TV. Yet there's no magic box of bath soap to cure my ills. I just have pills and the love of two kitties. I guess that will have to do. I just wish they could carry stuff up from the car for me. ;) Anyway... off to bed soon. Just wanted to share my hellish Thanksgiving story with you. I hope yours was much better and happier. :)

Announcing: Rcktman.com!

I can't believe I'm telling you this. It's taken me TWO YEARS to get this worked out. But finally, after much hair-pulling and frustration, I introduce to you: rcktman.com Nothing much as of yet (and due to a big screw-up I lost a whole bunch of stuff) but eventually I'd like to move this blog there and keep everything central. All in due time. In the meantime, make sure you visit the Photography section for the long-awaited pics from NYC! :) Happy Thanksgiving to all!!

Writer's block!

My friend Elle read my blog and pointed out quite a bit of stuff that I left off from my trip to NYC. I must have had major writer's block... or maybe I was getting sick and not thinking clearly. This is what she sent me: okay so you left out of your blog - barney's (We shopped at Barney's-- the first time I'd ever been in a Barney's. I actually bought something, too!) adrian brody going by unnoticed (he walked by us after our night out in Chelsea. Elle saw him but I totally missed him. I missed so many celeb sightings, as is evidenced by the next one..) robert verdi (host of "Surprise by Design" on The Discovery Channel... couldn't miss him, he sat right behind us at the restaurant we had dinner at when I got in.) the fact that i live in the "heights" and NOT in Brooklyn - skanky brooklyn (I did mention on Friday that she lives in Brooklyn Heights but not on Sunday... my bad. ;-) the atypical friendly cab driver (He was so funny. He picked us up from the Plaza Hotel and dropped us off at Greenwich Village. Our favorite quote "Ma'am I'm a professional. I will get you there...") dylan's candy bar (Incredible candy store we visited while waiting to get in at Serendipity, which we ended up not doing anyway. I found Willy Wonka bars and got them for some coworkers, along with some yummy chocolates.) upper east upper west greenwich village - aka west village by locals east village union square (Through our whirlwind visits and rides along the Subway, we visited many of NYC's villages. I really feel like I got the grande tour. Lord knows I couldn't have done it on my own. Those subways are confusing!!) the amazing century 21 (The dept. store across from the WTC site... designer duds for dirt cheap. It was a madhouse. If I had more money I would have been SHOPPING!) and how you are prolly the only person i know to go thru chinatown and not buy one thing - (Granted, the deals were to be had there... I just didn't have the money. I would have loved to have gotten my sister a Louis Vuitton purse for cheap. Maybe a return trip is in order...) SoHo and how the streets are dead on friday but slammed on weekends (This is extremely true, and not just of SoHo but everywhere. Sunday is MUCH busier than Friday.) the the boys from france wearing italian couture while alfredo was wearing french couture and jumping down the footpath as he thought he saw a rat - (that i had warned you against) (Oh yeah.. the garbage along the streets.. what the hell!?! NYC has no alleys so they just pile garbage up on the street curbs. It took some getting used to. Chicago has a great alley network so you don't see all that trash. And where there's garbage there's rats. I didn't see one but Elle told me to be on the lookout.. so I was. And the French boys were realy nice ... one spoke English well but the other was not as good. They accompanied us to "XL"... asking lots of questions along the way. Alfredo was a guy we met at "XL" who came with us to "G"... where we promptly lost him. Nice but a tad sketchy.) my my - i should have written your blog. (and you did... thank you Elle. :) So yes, I am sick sick SICK. Temp of 102 and miserable. I've slept so much I don't know what time it is. So from here I am going to hit the hay again and hopefully get rid of this crap in time for TURKEY. :) Have a great Thanksgiving everyone.

For Sebastian

On the Gay Bloggers Tribe the other day, we learned about the plight of a fellow blogger, Sebastian, from Australia. He was involved in a horrific incident where he was hit by a car, presumbably (but not yet determined) on purpose. He is in criticial condition. The community is reeling from so much bad news lately This latest chapter does not bode well with any of us, even across the pond. Aaron of 1000 Words or More has designed a lovely icon for us to use in support of Sebastian's plight. I am adding this icon to my site today. Please visit Sebastian's blog, Holding the Man, and get to know this brave young man.

So much to do, so little time

Back home safe and sound... I feel like it's been another week since my last post, but it's only been 2 days. So much has happened... Sunday We woke up and headed down to the Financial district. They were having a street fair on Broadway, and Elle bought a gorgeous Indian quilt for her extra bedroom, where her current roommate Rob is staying. Since she's moving to Australia, she wants to dress the place up a bit so it will sell. I think she made a great choice, personally. We walked down Broadway toward Ground Zero. As we got to the end of the block, I immediately recognized familiar buildings. The Burger King on the corner of Church street that served as a temporary morgue. The Deutsche Bank building, which although is still standing, is ravaged with mold and will probably soon come down. The Financial buildings, which now dominate the skyline. The Wintergarden, which was destroyed and is now rebuilt. The new 7 World Trade, which is almost completely topped off already. Century 21, the department store right across the street from WTC, and the Millenium Hilton next to it. And St. Paul's Chapel, probably the most moving display of memoribilia about WTC that exists. And of course, the hole in the ground that once was home to two of the most magnificent towers ever built. Indeed, when you first see the vast expanse of nothing, surrounded now by a large fence, dotted with stories and pictures of times past, it is jarring. Especially if you have been to this same spot before, when the towers and the complex itself actually stood there. Especially if you remember going into those buildings, never knowing what would happen less than 10 years later. Especially when you remember what happened, because you watched it happen, in real time. And you remember the sorrow you felt for the people who endured the tragedy, from those who died to those who just happened to be there that day. It was a lot to take in. And we did, and I'm glad we did. From Ground Zero we headed to Chinatown, which is right on the outskirts of SoHo and walked the narrow streets and perused the multitude of vendors selling hocked goods at ridiculous prices. We kept going and crossed into SoHo and had lunch, then caught the subway back toward Brooklyn. On the way back, Elle mentioned that she sometimes gets out at the Brooklyn Bridge and walks across. I was pretty tired, but for some reason, this sounded like something I wanted to do. So I said "Why don't we do that?" And so we did. It was the perfect cap to an adventuresome weekend. I didn't get to see a show, but I'm ok with that. I've seen my share of Broadway-style shows, in fact I've seen a few in previews before they even got to Broadway (including The Producers, which was totally unforgettable.) So I really am not mourning that at all. There will be other opportunities. I caught a cab from Elle's at 8 and was in the air by 9:30. Monday Luckily I had to work late so I slept in. My plane landed at 10:30 on Sunday but I didn't get home until 1am thanks to taking the El home. LONG trip!!! But damn it was good to sleep in my own bed and see my boys. :) But no rest for the wicked. I had pies to make for Thanksgiving and Monday night was the only night I could do it. So when I got home, I immediately started making Sweet Potato Pie. Yum. :) They turned out damn nice, too. Tuesday Work and then rehearsal, but wait... the crazy schedule (and cold/warm/wet weather) of New York caught up to me... I went to work but came home early. I'm coughing and have chills and am feeling overall miserable. So as soon as I hit "publish" I am hitting the sack. And that leads us to now. Pictures... yes, I know, I am working on trying to get them set up so you can view them easily. I have something ready to go, I just have to upload them to a site. As soon as they are ready I will post the link. So... with that, I bid you peace. :)

Autumn in New York

Coming to you live from New York City... I'm having a wonderful time, even if the weather isn't cooperating so well. It's been damp, rainy, warm one minute, cold the next. But that hasn't stopped us from hitting the town with much vigor!!! My flight was about 25 minutes late. We left Chicago in pretty good time but once we got to LaGuardia, we circled around so many times I thought I was going to pass out. Luckily I didn't have a bag checked so I got right off the plane and headed toward the baggage claim to meet Elle, my friend who I am staying with. She didn't recognize me at first. She was probably zoning from waiting for so long for me. :) But it was so great to see her. I haven't seen Elle in over 5 years. She was one of the first people I met when I moved to Chicago in 1997. We became fast friends, and have remained so ever since. Our adventures were chronicled in my first journal, which I kept from 1997-1998. Click here to read some of the stories. So Elle and I, five years later, have reconnected, and are having an absolutely marvelous time. Yesterday we had dinner and hit the clubs in Chelsea. First we went to XL and then to G. Deadsville. Sure the boys were cute and all, but they were just both kind of not happening. But we walked the streets and checked out the neighborhood. It was a lovely evening, in around the 50's temp-wise. We took a taxi back to Elle's place in Brooklyn Heights, where we had the driver drop us at the promenade. Overlooking Lower Manhattan, this was my first view of that Battery Park area, in person, since 1994. I took some pictures, which I'll post when I get home. (I forgot my card reader, darnitall.) Today we slept in a bit and then headed to Uptown, where we intended on having lunch at Serendipity, but it was a mob scene. So we shopped around and caught a cab to the Plaza Hotel, where we took some more pictures and used the bathroom. ;) Off to Greenwich Village, where we finally had dinner at Cowgirl. Great comfort food in a down-home atmosphere with a gay twist. Just what I needed. :) Then off to some shopping... and a visit to the Magnolia Bakery... Oh. My. God. I never smelled such incredible chocolate in all of my life. They were baking fresh cupcakes. I just had to get a few. And some banana pudding that Elle said -- and which was confirmed by many of those in line -- was the best in the world. Got some of that too. :) Next stop-- downtown. Night was upon us, and it was time to see the sights and the lights. We started off near the Ed Sullivan Theatre and made our way to St. Patrick's Cathedral. Then off to Rockefeller Center and then Times Square. Where it started to pour. Cats and Dogs. It was cold, wet and crowded. I had a headache. It was time to catch a subway home. I took a 2 hour nap and here I am. We had plans to head out again, but with the weather being so crummy and us both feeling incredibly crappy, we decided to stay in. So tomorrow... a visit to Ground Zero. I had visited the World Trade Center in 1994 with my sister, and we went to the top to the observatory. That was just one year after the initial bombing in 1993. It was still fresh in our minds, but we went anyway. So the fact that I actually had visited WTC makes me want to see it now. It just feels like something I need to do. We're also going to try to catch Avenue Q, or some show, tomorrow. Hopefully that will happen, but if not, I'm sure we'll find something exciting to take up our time. My flight is at 9:00PM NYC time... I'll be home by 10:30PM Chicago time. So there's a lot to do with very little time to do it all. Nothing like being on the go! :) I'll have pictures galore when I get home. In the meantime, have a wonderful weekend.

Start Spreadin' The News...

Well the time has come! I am on my way to NYC in a couple hours. I have to tell you one thing before I leave. Last night, I came home to find a package in my mailbox. When I saw the name I smiled and said "What on earth is she sending me?" I ran up the steps to my apartment, grabbed a scissors and carefully cut open the package. I found a beautiful hand-knitted scarf inside from Pua. Here's me in front of (a picture of) the Brooklyn Bridge, wearing my new scarf! I called her right away to thank her. It's really gorgeous. :) Pua says it's a hug from her... and I truly believe it. :) So here and now I want to say thank you, Pua. You're an absolute gem of a person. Your heart and her soul shines through in everything you do. Your love for your family and her passion for your friends is so evident. I'm really touched. And this gift, hand-crafted with love from Pua herself, was a huge way of making me feel very, very special. I have made some wonderful friends in my time here in blog-land. I treasure each and every one of you. We share each other's joys and sorrows, triumphs and tragedies. And we bitch when there is plenty to bitch about. :) It's been a wonderful experience so far, and I can honestly say I'm glad to have become a part of it. Mush mush mush, I know. But... honest. So thank you, Pua. I will wear it with pride. :) And have a wonderful weekend everyone. I will be back on Sunday with stories and pictures. In the meantime, be good. :)

Bloggers' Block

I dont know what it is, but for some reason, lately, I have not been able to come up with anything to post. I'm not depressed or anything... I haven't been sick... and yeah, that incident at work sucked, but I'm not going to stop blogging because of it or anything. I just haven't been thinking of anything clever/insightful/interesting/ground-breaking to say. I've noticed that the whole phenomenon of blogging seems to go in cycles. From week to week, it seems like the early and later days of the week are heavy days for posting. And then the early and later weeks of the month are heavier. This isn't scientific or anything (thank God or I'd be boring you all to tears. [Too late] )... it's just something I've noticed is all. Countdown to NYC - 2 Days! I can't believe it's already arrived. This year has gone by so fast. It seems like a month ago I was planning this trip to NYC. And now it's almost here. Next thing you know I'll be Christmas shopping. Ugh. Thank goodness I get a bonus at the end of the year. Yes, I am extremely fortunate to work for a company that still gives bonuses around Christmas time. They call them "Longevity bonuses" because they're based on how long you've worked there, but to those of us of the Gentile persuasion, it's nice to get them before Christmas. Of course they usually don't distribute them until the week before Christmas, so that makes things a little hairy. But hey... it's a bonus. I am certainly not complaining. And for what it's worth... it's a NICE bonus, too. :) So I apologize if you don't hear much from me this week. I will try to blog more up til I'm gone, and then while I'm away.

My name is Rick, and I am a Blog Addict.

"HI Rick" I got "talked to" at work on Friday. You know the "talking to" I am talking about. The kind where your bosses sit you down and say, "We really like you, Rick, and we love what you do for us..." "BUT...." Yes, folks, apparently I spend too much time on the Internet at work. Now don't all clutch your pearls in unison at the shock of that statement. I am sure it was as much of a surprise to you as it was to me. Yeah, hardly. I know. So it seems that I spend way too much time browsing blogs and chatting on Tribe when I should be working. Admittedly, when I first started my blog, I was bad. REALLY bad. I definitely spent more time blogging and Tribe-ing than... well... working. That has drastically dropped off since then. I rarely ever blog from work now, and hardly ever pull up Tribe. I guess I sensed that my concentration was drawn away, or that other people were noticing that I wasn't paying 100% attention to my work like everyone else should does. I also never see other people at work distracted by Coach Purse websites or baseball websites or "Fucked Company.com" websites or "Drudge Report" websites or "Smoking Gun" websites or... (Yeah... apparently I really do.) See, I feel as if I am being targeted as a scapegoat here. Granted, I am browsing around a lot. Probably more than I should. But in the grand scheme of things, it's not a whole lot more than what other people do. Everyone abuses the power of the Internet at work. I walk down the halls and see secretaries playing Solitaire. Is that productive? Is that helpful to the end work product? I highly doubt it. Yet I am the one that gets called on it. Just my luck I guess. I'm not worried about this. As I said earlier, now the the initial novelty of the world of blogs has worn off, I can just as easily wait until I get home to post that all-important thought that crossed my mind during the day, or tell that silly story that I've been dying to share. But it still pisses me off bothers me just a little bit, that they took time out of the day to slap me on the hand and shake their fingers at me. I've been in this position at this place for 3 years. I hit 4 years in April of 2005. I think that's enough time, don't you?

Lost in myself

I haven't been myself lately. I was actually supposed to spend part of the weekend with my family but because I had the flu bug, my mom encouraged me to stay home. I sort of wish I hadn't, but I needed the rest. I must have slept a combined total of 24 hours over the course of the weekend. Obviously, I needed the sleep. I've actually spent more time in the last few days just shutting myself off from the world. I've been sleeping. I've been reading. I've been playing with my cats. I made chocolate chip cookies on Sunday. (That's nothing to be alarmed about, I just wanted to mention that I am so domestic. You want me now, don't you?) What's wrong with me? Nothing. I sometimes just get lost inside of myself and want to be alone. No friends, no bars, no family, nothing. Hardly even any blogging. Just me-time. In fact, when I went to chorus rehearsal on Sunday, I felt a strange twinge of agoraphobia unlike any I have ever felt before. I had shut myself off so effectively that I actually feared being in a crowded situation. Was all of this the result of my being disappointed with the election? Because I had a touch of the flu toward the end of last week? Because I was angry at the world and would rather not have associated with anyone? Maybe it was a combination of all of those things. But I'm better now. I've turned a corner. I am ready to face some new challenges-- changes in my life. See, I have been doing the same thing over and over again for probably the last 3 years. I go to work. I come home. I fire up the computer. I chat. I cruise online. I occasionally hook up. I go out with friends on weekends. I go to chorus on Sunday. And on Monday, it all starts over again. It's time for a new cycle. So with all that being said, here are some things I want to see happen for myself in the next 6-12 months. 1. I want to start actively dating again. I haven't been good with dating in a very long time. My mind, heart, and body are all ready for this. I am tired of being single and, more importantly, being slutty. I am moving past that. The prospect of online hookups bore me now. I am sick of the whole scene. I want to get to know someone, have dinner with him, see a movie, hold hands, and talk. Is that too much to ask? 2. I want to buy my own place. I am tired of renting and paying into someone else's pocket. I am becoming more financially stable and it's time for me to take the next step. I thought that I couldn't do that until I got "Married" but I can't wait forever. I will start actively looking into this after the holidays. 3. I am going to read more. I recently rediscovered reading and am loving it. I finished a book that I started almost 1 1/2 years ago and have started two more. I'm finding that reading is much more productive than, as I said before, sitting online. This is something that is already in progress. 4. I am going to go back to the gym. Yes, folks, you read this correctly. I have been paying into a gym membership for the last 4 years and haven't gone. Once. That's right, I have been wasting my money. So one of two things has to happen here. One, I start going again (to Bally's) or I cancel the damn thing and get a membership somewhere that I know I will go. Suggestions are encouraged here. I can use all the motivation I can get. But dammit, it's time I do something about it. 5. I am going to take voice lessons. I sing well, and I have gotten by quite well on my own thus far, but... I want a solo in the next chorus show. I didn't say a group number or a "cover" role. A solo. Just me. I will succeed. (Insert visions of "Showgirls" here, if you must.) 6. I will volunteer more. I have three different friends that work for three prominent gay and/or HIV/AIDS organizations in Chicago. They are always looking for volunteers. I want to give more of my time to causes that make sense. And finally, 7. I will brood less on my blog. Pissy people don't hold on to readers. I've discovered this to be true. I want more readers. Therefore, less brooding. See how that all works? OH... and nine days til New York City! Whee! I can't wait. :)

Innocuous, Inane and Insane Wastes of Time

These two sites were just brought to my attention. I am now bringing them to yours. Enjoy wasting countless hours of time, as I have. And still am. Guess the Dictator and/or Television Sit-Com Character: http://www.smalltime.com/dictator.html Can you believe someone actually thought of this? I'm still trying to stump it. My first choice was Mrs. Roper. I love Mrs. Roper. Muumuus rock. Identifont http://www.identifont.com Have fun!

Need some laughs?

Here's a few things to brighten up the blahs of the past week. This one was just sent to me. By my mom. Have I mentioned how much I LOVE MY MOM!!!! How many members of the Bush Administration are needed to replace a lightbulb? The Answer is TEN: 1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed 2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed 3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb 4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either: "For changing the light bulb or for darkness" 5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Haliburton for the new light bulb 6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a stepladder under the banner "Light! Bulb Change Accomplished" 7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally "in the dark" 8. One to viciously smear #7 9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light bulb-changing policy all along 10. And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country. And here's a few chuckles, courtesy of the Comics Pages. One Big Happy There's something about this comic that just tickles me every time I read it. Pluggers Oh to be a plugger right now... ugh.

Get over yourself

Thanks, Aaron, I needed that. OK, enough, Rick. Aside from the fact that I have the flu, from this day forward, no more doom and gloom. Time to get back into life and live, baby. LIVE! I'm a Chicago Blogger! It took four months... FOUR MONTHS! But I am now listed on Chicago Bloggers. No big whup, but it's another search engine that hopefully will draw more innocent eyes to my crazy world. If you have arrived here via Chicago Bloggers, welcome! I do Flu, do you do Flu too? My shoulders ache, my head is swimming, my throat is dry and my head feels hot. Is it the flu? Damnit. I should have gotten a shot. Oh wait... there were not shots to get. Great. Just what I needed. Of course I'm at work right now. I have to get out of here and curl up in bed. Yuk. I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas I got a small role in CGMC's upcoming show, "Fa La La La Blah Blah Blah"... I'm in the quartet that sings the song "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas." Yes, that's right, I get to sing about wanting a pachyderm for the holidays. Hey, if I can't get a boyfriend, I might as well get something... NYC Here I Come! In just two short weeks I will be on my way to New York City. I got the confirmation last week. I'll be visiting my friend Ellizzette and hopefully connecting with Aaron and other bloggers out there. Unfortunately I'll be missing a mini blogger meet two weeks later that will include Tuna Girl, Hot Toddy and others. Darn, Darn, DARN! If it weren't for my shows I'd be there. Oh well, it's a bitch being a showgirl. Thanks Finally, I just want to thank everyone who has made my foray into the blogworld enjoyable. Your comments, your support and your friendship have meant a great deal to me. You lift me up when I need support, and you knock me around when I need a good kick in the pants. Thank you. And just for the record, I'm not quitting, anytime soon. I'm just getting started.

Where do I go from here?

I must admit, I am feeling somewhat lost at the moment. I have this overwhelming feeling of uselessness. Like I have nothing more to contribute to society or life in general. My existence is just... there. Attribute it to the results of "Black Tuesday" if you will. Attribute it to my feeling like someone stepped on my head with a 30-ton foot. Attribute it to whatever you want. I just feel useless right now. I feel like I have nothing interesting to say. I read other people's blogs and I get a similar feeling from some people out there. This guy chose to quit. Should I? Hm. Holy crap. I just looked at Palochi's blog. He titled his posting for today's the same as what I have listed above. Honest, Palo, I didn't copy. I feel the same damn way. He says we have a duty as bloggers to get the truth out. What if we don't know the truth? What if we have nothing more truthful to say except "I AM PISSED OFF" and "I AM SICK OF BEING PUSHED AROUND" or maybe even "I WILL NOT STAND FOR ANY MORE OF THIS ASSHOLE'S CRAP!" Well maybe that is a good start. Among my friends, blogging and non-blogging, there seems to be an overwhelming sense of hopelessness. One friend said he's fucking everything that moves because it's going to be illegal soon anyway. Not the greatest way to deal with things if you ask me, but I can see his point. This president has an agenda, and it does not include my rights, my freedoms or my personal security. He wants to bomb terrorists. And they want to bomb us. And they are going to bomb us, no matter what we do to them. Face it, folks. We are doomed. I just can't help thinking this. We are doomed. So where do I go from here? Well, this weekend, I am going home to my mom and dad, who are thankfully Democrats and hate this bastard as much as I do, and tell them that I love them. I am going to tell them that I thank them for caring enough to bringing me into this world, no matter how horrible it is turning out to be. I am going to thank them for continuing to support me and love me, even though I am gay and our president and his cronies think that I am evil and contributing to the cause of ruin in our society (which is, of course, a crock of shit, but hey, when you vote a president in because of MORALS I guess that means that I'm amoral.) And I'm going to tell them that no matter what happens, I will always love them. Because that's all that matters. And then life will go on. Somehow.

Four more years

We are doomed.

Eminem and The New Yorker

Two scathing, honest, brutal portrayals of our illiterate (as opposed to illustrious), incompetent, unbearable president are available for your viewing right here. First, The New Yorker magazine editors have written this editorial that outlines every single succinct reason why Bush should be given his pink slip tomorrow. Read it and cheer. Second, although I'm not a big fan of his music by any stretch, Eminem has an absolutely scathing, brutal and riveting video, entitled "Mosh," which portrays our president as the crook and the cheat that he is, while encouraging people of all races, colors and creeds to PLEASE VOTE. Finally, that is my message to you. Vote. Whatever you believe. Please vote. See you at the polls.

Missed Connection - Connected!

Exactly one month ago today, I wrote about a missed connection I had on the El. Exactly one month later... ...Oh hell, you'll never believe it. I hardly believe it. It's too bizarre for words. But I'll try my best. Today after work, I went up to Rogers Park (the far north side of Chicago) to help with the cover photo shoot for the Chicago Gay Men's Chorus's new CD, "I Will Be Loved Tonight." My participation in this process is fairly minimal. While I do a lot of the layout and design work for the chorus in other areas, I'm not going to be working on this project. And that's just fine with me. I have enough to do as it is. However, the concept for the cover of the CD involved a shirtless man standing in a bathroom mirror, getting ready for a date. Simple enough. Certainly sexy. And to accomplish this concept, a search went out for an appropriate bathroom that this provocative photo could be taken in. Ideally it had to be one with a pedestal sink and an old-fashioned type mirror. And enough room so that the photographer could take the photo. I gave a few recommendations. While this may sound odd, and you might think I seem to have a knack for pointing out bathrooms, it's not that at all. I just knew the concept they had in mind and knew of one that would suit the need. So they set up the photo shoot and, since I am on the Marketing committee, and I recommended the locale, the chair of the committee asked me to come along to shoot some "background photos" for the publications I do work on; namely the member newsletter, subscriber newsletter and possibly for the website. No problem. I'll be there. So I arrive for the shoot, and others start to arrive as well. In walks Steve, one of the models who I knew. And with him was this really cute guy. Of course at first, I looked at him curiously, and he did the same to me, as if we recognized each other but couldn't figure out how or why. "You look VERY familiar," I said, when we were introduced. "Yeah, I was thinking the same about you," he replied. "I think I met you in the train station..." It hit me... holy fucking shit. It was him!!!!!! "Oh my God! Yes! I do remember!" (Duh!) "I'm Rick," I said. "I'm Chris," he replied. As it turns out, Chris is the one who is doing the layout of the CD cover. He was there to observe the shoot so he could know how to design the cover. Ahhh and here's the kicker... He also works with a fellow blogger. (ahem... someone needs to clue me in on someone. :) So we talked for a bit and it was all cool. I didn't want to seem like some giddy kid or anything, but I couldn't help but think how strange of a coincidence it all was. And the photo shoot was pretty sexy. I can't wait to show you the finished results. In the meantime, here's a few shots that I took at the shoot itself. Damn my crazy luck. Stay tuned. :) That's Chris. Cutie, isn't he? Chris, Steve (another cover model) and Rich. One concept for the cover. Hot ain't it? :) The models posing for the back jacket of the CD.

Holy Halloween, Batman!

The high holy days have begun. OK, I'm not a pagan, but it's widely known in gay circles that Halloween is considered one of the most festive times of the year. If you're gay. And you like to dress up. Which I don't. I've never been into the whole costume... thing. Oh sure, when I was a kid, I relished the idea. I couldn't wait to put on those plastic-mask deals that looked like Popeye or Superman or some other cartoon character, with the eye holes so small you could barely see out of them and the mouth holes so tiny you nearly suffocated yourself. Fun times! And when I was a kid, Trick-or-Treating was COOL. It was dark outside and we got to wander out amongst the other kids and freaks. Yeah it was a great time. People would jump out of the dark and scare us shitless and kids would be screaming all over the place. We'd tell scary stories and try to freak each other out. The search was always on for the house that gave the best candy. Word would spread throughout the neighborhood. Snickers at 1406! Five Twizzlers at 2201! A FULL-SIZE Peanut Butter Cups at 1908! Of course, by the time you got to those houses, all the other kids had been there and they were all out. So it was SweetTarts and Dubble Bubble for the rest of us. Oh swell. And each year, we couldn't help but wonder what the creepy old lady three doors down would give us that year. One year she gave us five pennies. (Remember UNICEF boxes?) Yeah those were put to good use... not! Another year it was one tiny Tootsie Roll. Oh wow, thanks, glad you went all out this year, ya creepy old hag. My favorite Halloween candy were the Smarties that fizzed. I can't find them anymore, anywhere. I don't even remember what they were called, but they weren't Smarties. Oh I liked Smarties too, but the fizzy ones were my favorite. Next were cherry Twizzlers. Not the licorice flavored kind, either, ONLY cherry. And of course, anything chocolate. We'd have half the stuff gobbled up by the time we got home, so our parents couldn't weed anything out that was "bad for us." We knew better. But as the years passed, the paranoia about Halloween set in, and the fun started to disappear. Reports of razor blades in apples started to come out. Then poisoned candies. Then people snatching children during the dark hours. And, of course, car accidents with children in dark clothing. So the hours changed to daylight hours, parents had candy scanned at hospital X-ray rooms, and the selections dwindled down to a few handfuls of over-sugared junk. And we got older. Trick-or-Treating just wasn't fun anymore. If we wanted candy, we could ride our bikes to the store. Why bother putting on a stupid costume and walking around the neighborhood? That's for little kids. As a teenager, I had more fun handing out candy to little kids. They would come up to the door, so cute in their tiny costumes. But I felt bad for them, because the excitement of Halloween that I remembered had changed. It used to be fun to run around after dark like a hooligan. Now the sun shone bright and didn't set until the hours for Trick-or-Treating were over. The adventure had gone out of Halloween. It just wasn't fun anymore. Today, as a gay man, I know that Halloween is popular because it gives the boys an excuse to dress up in the most outlandish outfits and try to outdo each other. Bars hold costume contests and give cash prizes. Drag queens flaunt their newest creations, from the beautiful to the sublime. And for those who dare to bare, you can catch some skin if you're looking at just the right moments. But I just can't get into the dressing up thing. I like to consider myself creative-minded, but I just don't have the energy, time or money to spend on a costume that I might wear only once. So I go to Halloween parties, but as "The Boy Next Door" or "Your Co-Worker." Or if there's a theme, such as Superheros, I might go as "Clark Kent" and don a pair of old glasses. Simplicity is the key. OK so maybe I'm being boring, but hey, it's my choice. So Happy Halloween to you all. May your costumes be clever, your candy be razor-free, and your heels stay intact. I'll be over here, enjoying my Snickers bar and Peanut Butter Cups.

Dear Google

en homage de Hot Toddy.... Dearest Google: I love your search engine. I use it daily. Often. Constantly, even. I even like all your little doodad add-ons to my browser and I especially love the Google Toolbar. Great stuff. Keep up the good work. I just don't get the Gmail thing. Everyone's raving about it, saying how it is the best thing since sliced pumpernickel bread. I've tried Gmail. I have an account. I don't see what the big deal is. You're telling me that I can categorize stuff and sort Emails and do things I can't do with Outlook or Eudora. Well that's great, but I need to get some Emails sent to me first before I can actually do all that. Which means I have to transfer all my addresses to the account, hope they all translate, then set them all up again, write the obligatory "Hey I changed Email accounts" Email and then hope that everyone switches their Email address-on-file for me to correspond to it. Sorry, I'm not gonna do it. It's just another bother that I don't want to deal with right now. And now you give me 6 accounts to give to all my friends, as if to bring them "into the fold." I really can't do that. Sorry. (If you're reading this, and you really want one of them, you can have them. But don't expect me to give you the hard-sell spiel about how great it is. I just really don't care that much.) Don't get me wrong, Google. There's a lot of great stuff that you have put out recently. Hell, you even own Blogger. I can't argue with that. But sometimes I think too much is too much. Revolutionizing Email? Great, wonderful, love the concept, but I'll read it when it comes out in paperback. I've switched Email accounts so many times over the years that people started to ask me when the next switch was going to occur, as if they were expecting it. The fact that I've now had the same Email account for nearly 3 years is a record. I kind of like it. Familiarity is nice. Comforting, even. So, Google, thank you for developing this wonderful new Email system that everyone is talking about. I applaud you for your efforts, and think you are doing a great job. And congrats on going public, I heard your stock prices went up $20 a share the other day. (Of course, did I buy into it? Nooooo...) But just leave me be with my silly old-fashioned Email account whose name is linked to a company that doesn't even exist anymore. If I need you, should I need you, I'll let you know. Thanks.

Snausages, Pup-peronis and Jerky Treats

Inspired by God's Undies. Before I had my cats, my family was a dog family. When I was born, my mom and dad had a dog that they adopted right after they got married. His name was Peanut. Peanut was a terrier mix, all black except for a white stripe down his chest. He was a small dog, extremely agile and active, and would tear around the backyard, or out the driveway gate if it was left open, which it rarely ever was. Peanut was incredibly loyal and loving. I remember many a time when I would be crying about something, and Peanut would be right there with a gentle lick and a wag of the tail. Peanut was aptly named, because when my parents got him, they said he was so tiny that he resembled a peanut. In fact, my dad said, it was cold when they got him, so he carried him out of the shelter under his jacket. Of course, I can only envision this, as Peanut arrived in my parents' house five years before I even existed. He was my dad's dog, no doubt. He was his buddy. Dad would take him to "Potty Park," which was actually Southport Park in Kenosha, Wisconsin, where Peanut would run free and wild through the open expanse of fields along the lakefront. I remember trips to "Potty Park" fondly. They were Sundy morning excursions, usually after Mass. We'd load up the station wagon and spend the afternoon at "Potty Park," taking in the lakefront view and letting Peanut run free and enjoy the fresh air. Peanut ate table scraps. Sure we tried to feed him Alpo, but he mostly turned his nose up at it. He loved his Jerky Treats though. Ate em like candy. Peanut lived a long life. He was 16 years old when we finally put him to sleep. He was very sick, and probably should have been put down much earlier. But my sister, who was only 11 at the time, didn't understand any of this, and wouldn't let my father put him down. By then Peanut was living in the basement, and had lost control of many of his abilities. It was awful. I will never let that happen to an animal again, ever. When Peanut died, I saw my dad cry for the first time. Ever. I'll never forget it, and still remember it vividly. I thought we would never get another pet. But then came Cubby. Three years after Peanut died, my sister and I got the itch to have another dog. We bugged our parents about it incessantly. Finally, after hearing our pleas one too many times, we began our exploration. First we visited the Humane Society. There were only a few pups there, and most of them were of breeds that would grow to be huge dogs. We didn't want a huge dog. So we kept looking. So we searched the newspaper. There we found an ad for Cocker Mix puppies. (The mix was with a Poodle. They were Cockapoos.) We called and visited the breeder. There, in the front yard of their home, was a huge cage with five black cocker mix puppies. They were absolutely adorable. I picked out one and my sister picked up another. They were tiny. Wriggly. Cute as all get-out. And the puppy breath was to die for. My puppy was all black except for a very faint white chest, just like Peanut. My sister's puppy was black with white paws. We chose my puppy. We had nothing to take him home in, since we didn't expect to take a puppy home right away. So we went home, got a box out of the basement, got an old (clean) rug, and then went to the pet store and got some supplies. Food, collar, leash, toys. And we went to get the puppy. The first day home, the puppy immediately took a liking to my dad. And his toes. And his shoes. He was so tiny, he fit (and slept) in my dad's old Army hat. We have pictures of that somewhere. I named Cubby. We sat in our living room and had a family meeting on what to name him. Oreo was close to being a winner. But then I saw a Chicago Cubs newsletter in my dad's magazine rack and I said, matter-of-factly, "How about 'Cubby?'" The discussion was over. Cubby was an absolute joy. Just the sweetest, most lovable dog I have ever known. He would cry when we would leave and go absolutely insane when we came home. I loved when we would pull into the driveway and his little head would appear between the drapes in the living room. He'd yelp and screech and run to the door and run circles around us when we'd open the door. What a way to be greeted home. We had so many fun games that we played with Cubby. We taught him to crawl across the room, roll over, and turn a circle. That was probably the funniest of all. You would hold a treat high in the air, and by golly, the dog would spin around in a circle to catch the treat. He was such an acrobat. Cubby got first place in Obedience School. But you'd never know it the way he'd selectively listen to you when you told him to come here, or get off the sofa. But nobody ever minded. He was so darn cute, you didn't care. His favorite treats were Pup-peronis. You could just say the word "Pup-peroni" and he would flip out. Other words like "Go for a walk?" and "Go for a ride?" would also induce a frenzied reaction. He loved snow, and would play "Snowplow" all the time. His fur was so long and kinky that he would just be encased in snow on really snowy days. It would take a good dry towel to get him clean again. We got Cubby in the summer of 1986. I was 15 years old. I moved out in 1997. I was 26. Cubby was 11. In 1999, Cubby started to show signs of age. His scruff started to show gray. He wasn't so limber anymore. He was still lovable and sweet, but his eyes were gray. He could still see, but not as well anymore. He would still greet you at the door with a wagging tail and an occasional jump for joy, but then he would sleep and sleep. In late 1999, Cubby started to have mild seizures. This worried my mom and dad, who took him the vet. She declared that he was just getting old, and if they worsened, they should consider putting him down. In May of 2000, Cubby had a terrible seizure during the night. My mom called my sister, who still lived in Kenosha, over to the house. The brought him down to the vet in the morning, and all stood by him and petted him gently as they administered the shot. In moments, Cubby was gone. Dad called me with the news. He was sobbing. I never heard him cry so hard-- not even when his own mother died. Mom and Dad thought about getting another dog, but they quickly decided they couldn't go through the pain of losing another one. And in their own advanced ages, they just couldn't keep up with one anymore. So Cubby was the last. Cubby was an extremely special dog. Every time I go home, I expect to see him bounding around a corner or jumping on the sofa. I think of him often, and still have his picture at work at my desk. I love my cats. They are a joy, and they are my companions. But there is something so wonderful and special about a family dog. And my family had two of the most wonderful dogs I have ever known. I'm not exactly sure why I felt the need to share this with you, but I'm glad I did. They were a part of my life, and will always be. And so, they should be a part of this blog. Peanut in December of 1968, two years before I was born. Cubby with his favorite toy Cubby giving me a "Kissy"