I don't even know what to say...

This is seriously about the most disturbing thing I have ever seen. Even worse, click below to find out how much you have to pay. Mind boggling. Simply mind boggling. Heavenly Pet Portraits Custom cat art and dog art of pets you love as companions and pets who have gone to the Rainbow Bridge. (A/K/A Heaven, in case you might have been wondering...)

Tweakin' the Blog

OK, I admit that I'm not all that smart when it comes to this blogging stuff. I don't know my MT from my WP or my CSS from my XML to save my life. I read posts on the Gay Bloggers Tribe sometimes and just scratch my head in puzzled wonderment. But, if you give me a few hours... (or days.. or weeks... or years...) I can figure it out. :) So, that being said, what do you think of the new header? :)

Missed Connection #2

Today was another one of those days where one thing could have made the day a total waste, but another thing, a brief shining moment, made it all worthwhile. Last night, the cats were restless and antsy, I had incredible sex (see yesterday's post), and I was all wound up. So I didn't get much sleep. As a result, it was really, really hard to get up in the morning. Still, I went to work and muddled through the day. Thing #1 that could have made the day a total waste was when I got the phone call from the car repair shop. I had turned my car over to them the night before in hopes of getting my brakes repaired and the oil changed. I didn't expect an estimate of over $1,800. Holy fucking shit! Of course, in addition to the things I needed done, they found a slew of other things wrong with the car. Of course. That's what these guys do. But I couldn't afford $1,800. So I got it down to $780 plus tax. That was for the brakes and a fan belt that needed to be replaced. He gave me the oil change and fluid checks for free. How generous. I started to contemplate how my bill could possibly be so outrageously high, when he wasn't completely REBUILDING my braking system, just replacing what needed replacing. He replied that he uses only "Heavy Duty, High-Quality parts." Yeah, they must be made of gold. Of course, by the time we had this conversation, he was already done with my car. Because I wasn't smart enough or fast enough to say "Whoa, buddy, that's high, let me bring it somewhere else..." So the damage is done. I have an $800 repair bill for my car. God Damnit. There goes that new credit card... So because of the whole car fiasco, I took the train to work today. Now granted, I should take the train every day. But I'm lazy as hell. It's hard to get up in the morning (and this morning was certainly no exception), and usually by the time I do get up, I am already running late. So I drive. A lot. Thing #2 that made the day worthwhile happened on the way home. After work, I rushed to the train station. I had to make it to rehearsal at 7:30, but first, I had to pick up my car. So there was a lot to do. I got to the platform and it was crammed with people. Of course. Cubs game. It took forever for a train to arrive. The platform kept filling up with people. And then I saw him. Blue-green eyes, blondish brown hair, maybe about 5'9" or so, maybe a hair taller. Cute, cute, CUTE. So of course he kept me distracted. I had my headphones on, listening to some mix CD I had put together. I watched him walk by, back and forth, looking to see if trains were coming, then back again. Eventually a train did arrive, but for some reason, after it stopped in the station, the distinct stench of an electrical fire followed it. And a lot of smoke. It was a little bit scary, and much more concentrated toward the front of the train. (I was at the back.) People started to board the train, but then the muffled announcement came that they needed to check the train for trouble (I am guessing, since I couldn't understand a single word,) and people started to file off the cars. Cute boy was still in the station. He was thinking like me... "Wait for the next one." Smart boy. The smoke started to get worse, but people still didn't move. And then it happened. Cute boy turned to me and smiled, shaking his head. I quickly shucked off my headphones. "I don't know why they bother," he said. "With what, the announcements?" I replied. "Yeah, you can't hear a thing they're saying." "Yeah, it's ridiculous. I have no idea what the problem is, but you'd think they'd just send someone down and tell us..." "Well I'm not going anywhere yet." Oh goody! So we chatted for a bit. I told him about my recent experience on the El with the house fire. He asked where I lived, and I asked him where lived. (Roscoe & Broadway. Boystown. Go figure.) Finally the smoky train moved out of the station and another one replaced it. As we continued to talk, we boarded the last car of the train. It was jam-packed. After we moved out of the station, the train stopped. Another muffled announcement came over the loudspeakers. We were stuck. "Well this is fun," I said. "Yeah, I just hope we start moving soon," he replied. "Could be worse," I commented. Finally the train started to move again. A seat opened up, which I offered to him, but he insisted I take it, since my trip was longer. I obliged. He stood in front of me. This cute boy with the blue eyes and great smile and wavy hair, This cute boy that was going to get off the train in a few stops, this cute boy that started talking to ME and made me feel all tingly. This cute boy whose name I still did not know... ...And never did find out. His stop arrived, he said goodbye, and I said take care. And as I watched him walk out the door... ...he glanced back at me one more time. DAMN IT! Why am I such a chickenshit!?!?!? Ahhh... but faithful and observant readers, the title of this entry is Missed Connection #2. That means there must have been a Missed Connection #1, right? Stay tuned...

Shameless Sexual Sexcapades

I'm a slut.

 

After all that innocent flirtation with the cute new Chorus boy, I sacrificed my better self for a night of tawdry, reckless, hot, man-to-man sex that I have needed very badly.

 

Please, like any of you are shocked.  OK maybe you are, because I really haven't posted of my sexcapades on my blog before.  But hey, I'm human, I'm gay, and I'm a man.  What more is there to talk about? 

 

So yes... Rick got laid last night, and he was cute, and it was good.  

 

And now I wish I had that couple hours of sleep back.  Oy am I tired.

 

But it's a good tired. :-)

Vodka + Rick Don't Mix and Other Flirtations

Ugh. It was a rough weekend. Oh I had fun... but the payoff wasn't so great. Saturday night I went to see Lipstick & Lyrics, a fundraiser for the Chicago Gay Men's Chorus at Hydrate. It was a great time, highlighted by the chance to see Nofo perform a couple numbers in knockout drag. Nice job, Heidi. I was going to be nice and not post a picture of her here.. .but then I read his blog and read this entry, and... well I'm feeling evil. So, Ladies and Gentlemen, I introduce you to.... The lovely, effervescent Ms. Heidi Holes Aw Jake I do love ya. I'm just jealous. And envious. And bitter jaded bitchy completely supportive of your affair newfound beau. :) SO ANYWAY... They had a $10 cover and for one hour you could drink all you wanted. So I chose... Vodka and Cranberry. What was I thinking? I should have known better. It's true that Vodka + Rick do NOT mix well. I've been suffering the afteraffects ever since. Upset tummy, feeling basically like I'm gonna 'hurl' even though I never did. I still feel shitty today. Blah. That's why my drink-of-choice is Rum & Coke. You can't go wrong with it, and it never, EVER gets me sick. I must remember this from now on. Sunday was rehearsal, and we got all of our music for the CGMC Holiday show, "Fa La La La Blah Blah Blah"... cute title, even if the song it belongs to isn't quite my favorite yet. It'll grow on me. However, the rest of the music is absolutely stunning. Patrick, our director, has once again written some simply gorgeous pieces for us to perform- one at the opening of the show and one at the end. In between are moments of hilarity, beautiful music, and other good times. I hope that everyone in the Chicago vicinity will come out and see us. It's going to be an incredible show. Ad over. After rehearsal, we went out to Crew, the new gay bar my friends and I visited not too long ago. Here is where I got to flirt with a cute new member who just a week ago was in a relationship. Well guess what.. no more! Apparently he had broken up with him during the week. He didn't seem all that upset about it. To hear him tell it, it was a long time coming anyway. Well... the guy is just damn cute. And young. And probably way out of my league. But dammit, it was fun to flirt. And he's in my section, too. So who can blame a boy for being friendly? ;) So the weekend wasn't a total waste. I think any weekend where you get some good hard flirting time in with a cute boy is a weekend well-spent. Hey, I gotta make myself known as much as possible. I'm not getting any younger, ya know. Besides, some other blogger (who happens to be in the same chorus as me) out there might worm his way in and snatch him up before I get a chance. Can't let that happen. Love ya, Jake. :)

The Word of God (?)

Florida's been getting a bad rap for the last few weeks. Hell, for the last four years, for that matter. But nothing's ever made me go "hmmmm" quite like this....

Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex (Nothing Much) Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex

Attention-grabbing isn't it? I really have nothing to post about. After all, it's Friday, and nobody reads blogs over the weekend anyway. So here's a few tidbits for you to ponder: • If you're selling something on Ebay, and you hate the person who gave it to you, use this as a guide for your pitch. You'll be guaranteed a sale. (Thanks to WaterColourBoy for the tip.) • If you love Twinkies and Butternut Bread, better hurry. Their bakeries are in trouble. They may not be around much longer. Carb-Conscious folks are jumping for joy. • What happens when you land a spaceship in the middle of a classic, architecturally significant football field? It loses its landmark status, that's what happens. Trust me, they deserve it. As fabulous as Millennium Park is, (something the city did RIGHT), Soldier Field is a complete eyesore on the Lakeshore. (Wrong. VERY WRONG.) It's sad. • London without the double-decker bus? What's next? L.A. without the smog? • The latest election results: Kerry's ahead, 2-0. Of course, that's all null and void if this report comes true. • And finally, if you're this guy, (who must be a fan of Prince,) you'll never have to worry if anyone is talking about you. You know that they are. Er... That those people are, that is. What a wild world we live in.

Almost Famous

Thing about me #36: I have a solo on the Chicago Gay Men's Chorus's first CD, "Cool Yule." Thing about me #101: I will have a solo on the Chicago Gay Men's Chorus's next CD, "I Will Be Loved Tonight"!!!!!!!!!! The audition was today, and I'm totally thrilled to say that I will be on our next CD as one of the soloists on "Seasons of Love" from Rent. It actually is going to be a duet of sorts, as there were only four of us who auditioned for the two solos in the song, and Patrick, our director, decided it would be different if he had two people sing the first solo and two sing the second. But hey... it's still a featured moment. AND I'm singing with my good friend, Jeremy, so I'm even MORE excited about that!! So be on the lookout for more information. The CD will be released in November... and I'll be promoting heavily to all of you out there. And while you're at it, pick up a copy of "Cool Yule"... just in time for the Holidays :)

Gratuitous (semi) Nudity

OK I admit it. I'm a whore. I am an attention whore, an online whore, a whore is a whore is a whore. (That should bump up my hits a few notches.) ;-) So I was having some fun with my digital camera last week, and I took some new pictures. Just for shits and giggles (and hopefully a few erections and comments), here are a few of the results. I mean, what kind of self-respecting blog-owning gay man would I be if I didn't post some gratuitous, laviscious photos of myself for all the world to see? How do I expect to get a date if I don't sell myself? (No, not in that way, you know what I mean.) I've gotta work it, baby. I need hits. I need comments. Hell, I need a date. Now, I should forewarn you that there are no dick shots here. Sorry... But there were some taken... :) (I'm stalling... can't you tell?) So here you go. This is me. Take me or leave me. (Preferably take me.) This should get me tons of sick and twisted comments... go for it. I can't wait to hear them all. (Have I gone mad???) Thanks to Aaron for the suggestion. And thanks to you for sticking around long enough to get here. Could this take my blog in a different direction? I dunno... We shall see. Don't say I didn't warn you. Mister Serious(ly demented?) Say Cheese(y) Suck it in, stud. Posted by Hello

God Damn It All To HELL! (Insomnia Part II)

I finally fell asleep. At 6:00 in the morning. Here's the breakdown of the day's events. 6:00 AM - Fall asleep 7:55 AM - Alarm shrieking, I wake up with a start. I had to be at work at 8:00. Oh great. It's going to be a fun day. Thank goodness I took a shower last night. I throw on some clothes, gargle with some mouthwash and I'm out the door. 8:10 AM - I call work to let them know I'll be a "Few minutes late" 8:15 AM - Lake Shore Drive is a parking lot. FUCK. 8:30 AM - I arrive at work... a few MORE minutes late than I had hoped. Now here is where I must decide whether I want to blog about work or not, because someone might just read this. All I will say is that the reason why I had to be at work so early is because I was asked to come in early by my manager the night before to work on something, and he couldn't get a hold of the other two people in my area. So he got me. "Fine, I'll be there" I said. So when I got to work, BOTH of my co-workers were already there. And so... WHY again did I bust my ass to get here this morning? (I guess that breaks down the "blogging about work" bit.) 1:00 PM - Free lunch. Whooo hoo! I love when meetings get out and there's food left over. 3:30 PM - Meeting with manager and partner about project. I had to leave at 4:15 at the latest for a doctor's appointment. And to get home in time for my computer to arrive. Now they're giving me a project to get done in an hour. Uh-huh. 4:45 PM - I leave work, frustrated and handing the job off to my also-frustrated co-worker. 4:50 PM - Too late for the doctor's office. I reschedule the appointment, but still go home. I'm exhausted, after all. Plus, my computer is coming! UPS said they'd deliver after 5:00 PM. 5:15 PM - I arrive at home. No InfoNotice from UPS - they haven't arrived yet. Cool. 5:45 PM - Still waiting. 6:00 PM - Yep, still waiting. 6:30 PM - Hmmm... wonder what's on TV. 7:00 PM - You guessed it. 7:15 PM - I call UPS. They have no record that anyone had been to my house, but "They have to make an attempt today before 7:00 PM." "It's past that," I retorted. "Oh... well, sometimes they do run late." "We'll see. If they don't arrive with it I will have to call to make other arrangements." 8:15 PM - Still no delivery. 9:30 PM - Here I am, typing away on my blog, on my OLD computer. So let's recap. I had one sleepless night. I busted my ass to get to work, only to find my coworkers already there (who they said they couldn't get a hold of the night before.) I cancelled my doctor's appointment, I got home in time for UPS, and they never arrived. Plus, I was supposed to have gone to a chorus marketing meeting tonight, which I missed, because I was waiting for UPS. My day sucked. How was yours? I'm going to bed now.

Insomnia

I can not sleep. I've been trying to sleep for the last 3 1/2 hours. I've tried soothing sounds on my clock radio, drops of lavender oil on my pillow, different positions, different configurations, and now I'm up blogging because... I just can not sleep. So, lucky readers, you get to read my ramblings while I attempt to get tired. Not that it does any good anyway, since I have to be up in 1 1/2 hours. So usually when one has insomnia, it's caused by either stress, anxiety, or worry. Among other things. Let's see. What's happened in the last few days that has caused me stress? I visited my parents on Saturday. And while that would usually cause me some sort of stress, it wasn't so bad this time. It was actually a rather nice visit. What's stressful is that they can't decide whether to sell their house or stay there, and I think they'd be crazy to stay there. Long story short, they just can't take care of the house, the property and themselves. They need something smaller. But complacency is always easier, and they would rather stay where they are than bother with a move. Not that I blame them, but it is for the best. So yes, that would be a cause of stress. And worry. I have to go in to work 1 1/2 hours early today. That's stressing me out right now, considering I haven't slept yet. My cats are unusually antsy tonight. They've been fighting with each other, which is strange because they usually get along very well. That's stressing me out. And causing me anxiety. And keeping me further awake. I get my new computer today. That is, if I get home in time for the UPS delivery. So thus, I will be leaving early from work (since I am going in early) so I can meet the UPS delivery person in time. It'd be much easier if I could just stay home, but I can't (see above about going in 1 1/2 hours early - there is a reason.) So I'm stressed about that. OK and there was this guy that I met last week while out at the bars that I thought was really cute. We flirted most of the night and (I thought) hit it off well. We exchanged numbers at the end of the night. I was supposed to meet him and some chorus friends out on Wednesday but couldn't make it because I had to work late. I never heard from him, but knew I'd see him again tonight. Well tonight, he was out again, but was hanging all over one of my chorus friends. In fact, they were wearing these ridiculous T-shirts. His said "I'm J....'s Daddy" and the other guy's said "I'm C....'s Bitch" How charming. Men suck. So all these petty, stupid little things add up to more and more stress in my life. Are they enough to keep me awake at night? No. I am really not sure what the true cause is, but since I'm awake, and can't get my mind to relax, I might as well say what's on it. So there, that's what's on it right now. Back to trying to get some sleep.

I need a maid.

My place is a pigsty. My mom would be so upset with me if she saw it right now. I get home from work and I just want to vegitate. I have no energy. I toss the mail here, my socks there, my work pants here... it's starting to look like Fred Sanford's place in here. I'm embarrased to bring tricks over, let alone a potential date. This is wreaking havoc on my sex life. What's a bachelor to do? I need a maid. OK so maybe that's lazy of me. Well, fine. I will completely own up to the fact that I AM LAZY. There, I said it. But I'm also fairly poor and can't really afford a maid. I can hear you now: "Get up off your dead ass and clean." Yeah, yeah, in a minute. "Now, Mister!" Yes, Mom. I just hate trudging out the vacuum cleaner and attempting to suck up all the cat hair on the sofa. Mopping is a bitch. (I hate hardwood floors.) I don't have a dishwasher, so there's always dishes to do. And you can forget about windows, because they're replacing all the windows in my apartment building anyway. But the thing I don't understand is just how all this clutter happens? How do people keep it from accumulating? The thing that drives me the most nuts is the mail. I get so much SHIT that I can't find enough places to put it anymore. Mail sucks. I need a TLC Clean Sweep.

For Tuna Girl (and the rest of you, too!)

And now a message from...

Pearls Before Swine. Usually acerbic, (that was just for you, Aaron) but today, rather sweet. Posted by Hello

Atmospheric Pressure

I've been feeling very... blah lately. I wasn't sure what to attribute it to. Maybe it was the weather, which has been unseasonably hot (after an unseasonably cool August). Maybe it was work, which has been extremely busy. Maybe it was the news, with reports of more people suffering through hurricanes and idiots shooting innocent puppies. Then again, maybe it was my blog. I just wasn't feeling very inspired. I've liked some of my posts, and thought that I've been expressing myself well. But something just hasn't seemed right. I felt like something was missing. At first I blamed readership. I didn't think anyone was reading my blog. But I've been tracking that, and it's respectable. I can't complain about that. Besides, I'm not blogging for the readership. (Even though I do love readers!) I am blogging to express what's going on with me internally, what my thoughts on are issues and events, and to tell sordid details about my exciting social life. (OK, so that's a stretch.) I don't profess to be a talented writer. I don't claim to be a prolific designer. Hell, I'm using a pre-fab template that someone from Blogger cooked up. I am not a professional photographer. I don't live an expensive lifestyle. I don't have a pretty car or an amazing lakefront penthouse. (Darn it, Oprah didn't come through.) I am just me. A 33-year old generic white guy, who happens to be gay, lives in Chicago with two cats, and tries to go about his day-to-day life with a positive outlook. In reading other blogs this week, I have noticed that I am not alone. There seems to be a pervasive cloud of doubt hanging over many of my blogger friends. So maybe this is just a strange ill wind that has blown over us all, and it will eventually pass. So I am hereby hoping that all of my fellow bloggers continue to find whatever it is that inspires them to blog, to continue to do so, and to share their gifts with the world. Each of us is unique and bring our own unusual perspectives to life in general. The beauty of the blog is that the forum is so completely open. Each of us contributes to this forum with our own gifts, be it an acerbic wit, a smattering of humor, an insightful eye, or a ray of hope. Today, I feel like sharing my "rays of hope.": • I hope that next year at this time, my life will be even better than it is today. • I hope that our country comes out of this election stronger and more secure. • I hope that my family continues to be healthy and happy and safe. • I hope that my health continues to be strong. • I hope that I find love before I turn 40. • I hope that my newfound blog friends find happiness in everything they do. • I hope my current friends find the same thing. • I hope that ignorance, greed and hurtfulness toward other people find some way of ending. • I hope that you enjoy reading my blog, even if I am at times pensive and self-doubting. • I hope that you realize that I am human. Thanks for sharing this journey with me. I hope you continue to do so.

Dear Oprah Winfrey

Oprah. Girlfriend. We gotta talk. I think you forgot someone in that big car giveaway on your first show for this season. Didn't you get my letter? My car is a true, proverbial "piece of shit" car. It's been hit 3 times, all while parked. It needs an oil change. It needs new brakes. I can't afford all this crap on my salary, with all the other things I have to pay for in life. Where's my Pontiac G6? While you're at it, there's a few other things I could use. Could you get your people on these? • A new condo, preferably a penthouse, on Lake Shore Drive, overlooking Lake Michigan. I like lots of windows. • A new bike. Mine is broken. Top of the line only, please. • I would love a new wardrobe. No, not a place to put my clothes. New clothes. Lots of them! • Free groceries would be nice. How about a lifetime supply, home-delivered? Whee! • Nate Berkus's phone number. C'mon, you know he's gay. Plus I think he'd really like me. A lot. • While you're at it, my mom and dad could use a new house. So could my sister and her husband. • Could you help me find a husband too? I know you can, Oprah. Now Oprah, girlfriend, I know I'm not a woman. So that reduces the chances that I'd get anything by some 99.9%. But I am gay, Oprah. You know you love the boys. C'mon, girl. Get crackin'. Oh and if I come on your show and don't get anything- anything at all, I'm gonna be mighty pissed. But I do still love you Oprah. Really. You go girl. Shopping, that is.

Resume of George W. Bush

My mother sent this to me. Do I need to explain further why she is my hero? A Resume to Review This individual seeks an executive position. He will be available next January, and is willing to relocate. RESUME GEORGE W. BUSH 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington, DC 20520 EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE: Law Enforcement: I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is not available. Military: I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam. College: I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader. PAST WORK EXPERIENCE: I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas, in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock. I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money. With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas. ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS: - I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America. - I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money. - I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history. - With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by over 500,000 votes. ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT: - I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record. - I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week. - I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury. - I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history. - I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period. - I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period. - I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market. In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues every month. - I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her. - I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President. - I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations. - My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History, Enron. - My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision. - I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history. -I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed. - I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history. - I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts. - I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any President in U.S. history. - I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States government. - I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history. - I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission. - I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law. - I refused to allow inspector's access to U.S. "prisoners of war" detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention. - I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election). - I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any President since the advent of television. - I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history. - I garnered the most sympathy ever for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history. - I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of mankind. - I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. citizens, and the world community. - I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families in wartime. - In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends. - I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security. - I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD. - I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to justice. RECORDS AND REFERENCES: -All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view. - All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. - All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review. PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004! You'd better believe I will.

September 11, 2001: Where Were You?

Three years ago today. I was getting ready for work. It was just another Tuesday morning. I was dating my ex at the time, and he had already left for work, so I was going about my usual routine. I showered, got dressed, and had some breakfast. Everything about that morning was par for the course. Except that I turned the TV on. You see, I was and still am not a TV-in-the-morning type of person. I rarely ever catch the Today show or Good Morning America, unless I'm home sick or on vacation. So my turning on the TV while getting ready for work that morning was very random. I turned on Good Morning America. Diane Sawyer was talking to some family about some wonderful thing that had happened and they were all smiles, feeling happy and good about whatever it was they were talking about. I don't remember. I just remember thinking "Typical morning-show sappy stuff," and kept going about my business. They broke for commercial, showed one commercial, and then came back, abruptly. There were Diane and Charles Gibson, sitting in another room. They looked very serious. "We have something to show you. We don't know very much about this, but there is something major going on at the World Trade Center..." And they showed the tower. Ablaze. A huge gash cut out of it. My mouth dropped. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. It was approximately 8:50AM, Central time. The first plane had hit at about 8:45AM. As I watched in amazement, the commentators tried to describe what had been happening up until then. It was believed that it was a plane, but nobody was sure how big of a plane it had been. As far as anyone knew, there was no footage of it, and it had happened so fast that not many people saw it. But now our eyes were glued. Our attention was focused. And at three minutes after 9:00, our lives changed forever. I watched the second plane fly into the second tower. In real time. As it happened. I never felt such fear in my entire life. For some reason, I knew right away that we were under attack. I knew that nobody at that moment was safe. If whoever did this could plan it so that two separate planes could fly into the two towers of the World Trade Center on the same day, just minutes between each other, then they were capable of anything. "Oh my GOD... Oh my GOD..." said the voices on TV. I called my roommate in to see what was going on. He was supposed to be flying to New York that week. "Uh... I don't think you're going to New York," I told him. Oddly enough, the first name that popped into my mind was Osama bin Laden. Just weeks before this, reports had been coming out of Afghanistan about centuries-old relics being destroyed by bin Laden's Taliban regime. They were denouncing all capitalist countries, especially America. They were predicting jihad on America. I watched intently, thinking that this could get really ugly. bin Laden's name was familiar, also, because he was named as the person of blame in the 1993 World Trade Center bombing. They seemed determined to destroy those towers. And when that second plane hit, I thought to myself "They finally did it." I didn't know quite what to do at that point. I called my ex, who was on a train heading downtown, and told him what was going on. He said that people had been getting phone calls left and right but he couldn't figure out what was going on. I told him I was going in to work. I didn't know what else to do. So I left. It was an absolutely gorgeous day outside. The air was cool, and the sun was warm. Fall had not quite set in on the region yet. It was a beautiful late summer day. But the air was incredibly still. It was eerie. I kept running what I had seen on the television just moments before in my head, over and over. "We are under attack," I told myself, "and I am going to work. Am I nuts?" The train ride to work was even worse. People who knew each other were talking extremely softly to each other. Some were on their cell phones. Others just stared out the window. I was like a funeral. I realized that I wasn't the only one who felt the way I did. What do you do in this situation? What do you say? I got off the train and walked the rest of the way to work. Over to the north is the Hancock Building. To the east, the AON Tower. To the south, Sears Tower. I watched the skies feverishly, hoping to God that nothing was coming. I paid special observation to the AON Tower, and noticed how much it reminded me of the World Trade Center. I started to cry. I got to work and started my ascent, 38 floors up. Silence in the elevator. When I got to my floor, everyone was milling about. Some were crying, some were talking. Nobody was working. Everyone was in a panic. "Why are we here? What is going on? The Internet is down. We can't find anything out!" I told them that I had watched it happen on TV. A couple ladies were a bit hysterical. I called my mom and dad to get updates. Tower 1 had collapsed by then. My mom begged me to go home. "I don't want you downtown with all of this going on. Get out of there." "This will not work. We won't be here long," I thought. Sure enough, at 10:30 the announcement came that we were to go home. I grabbed my things and got out, fast. Another morose train ride, glancing back toward downtown in case of any further activity, and I was home again. My ex and I watched TV from the time I got home until 2 in the morning. I saw the towers fall so many times that I could see it with my eyes closed. I saw the Pentagon, the military center of the United States, in flames and rubble. I saw the aftermath of the plane that went down in Pennsylvania, and wondered which target it was truly heading for. I repeatedly saw the video of people running as fast as they could after the enormous plumes of dust and paper and glass racing behind them. And I saw the war-zone-like aftermath, with bloodied, dirtied, and barely alive people, wandering aimlessly as they try to figure out for themselves how they got there--how this happened to them and to their city. I saw the streets lined and littered with destroyed fire trucks and automobiles; glass blown out of buildings still standing, trees and traffic lights, bent and broken and twisted, and papers.. the papers... everywhere you looked were papers. September 11, 2001 was just like any other day when it started. September 11, 2001 was a day that I will never forget for the rest of my life by the time it ended.

Brain Fuzz

Whirling Dervish • I can't believe Florida might get hit with another hurricane. Pretty soon you won't need to ride Space Mountain to get on a good spinning ride down there. Sheesh. Oh how timely • Many people are predicting that Osama bin Laden will be captured JUST IN TIME before the elections. I subscribe to this notion. I bet he's been caught for months now. How disgustingly perfect would it be for the Bushman if they rolled him out on a plank in just such perfect time. It makes me shudder. (References: Andymatic, Mirth, Musings & More) The Chicago Cubs? More like the Chicago Chumps • The Cubs are pissing me off. Just when you think they might have a chance to make it, they blow it. Again. I'm so sick of being a Cubs fan it hurts. That doesn't mean, however, that I'm switching allegiance to the Sox. I'd rather cut off my left hand. Work Words • Work has been increasingly busy. And I've been fighting a cold. It hasn't hit me full-on yet, but nearly everyone else in the office has been violently ill within the last two weeks. Pray for me. Chorus News • The Chorus starts up again this week. Mark your calendars for December 10 & 11 at the Athenaeum Theatre for "Fa La La La La, Blah Blah Blah Blah." I didn't think of the title, but I think it's clever. Also the Slickers are starting up again. Their show is December 3 & 4. I don't know the locations just yet. Computer delay • I was wrong about my computer being delivered tomorrow. I won't get it til next Friday. Grrr. Autumn leaves • The nights have been crisp and cool and I have all the windows open. I wish I had a nice, studly, sexy, warm man's body to cuddle with. *sigh* Brave puppies, Don't sleep where you ride, and Other Doozies • Did you read about this? And what about this gem? Thank God for stupid people and stupid laws. They make the news interesting. (You go, puppy!) • It warms my heart to hear stories about President Bushman like this. • Finally, I can't believe we're nearing three years since September 11, 2001. I'll tell my story of what I was doing that day on Saturday. But in the meantime, please remember those whose lives were lost that day. It's unfortunate that certain people are using that day for their own gain, but we all know that, regardless of who the president is, the people who hate are still going to hate. Which makes this remark by our own Vice President that much more disgusting. Please, people. Vote these monsters out of office.

Happy Birthday Pua!

Aaack! All that talk about lube and I totally forgot to wish a dear blogger friend a Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday, Pua! May the year bring you much happiness and joy, as you have brought me and many others in the blog community. Yay. :) Pua also gave me my very first "Drunk Dial" today. Even though she wasn't drunk, it was still great to talk to her on the phone. I hope to do it again real soon! :)

Lube-alicious

Since I can't think of anything else to post about (maybe because this week is so incredibly boring, I dunno) I am going to do something inane, silly and FUN. Well, at least I hope you think it's fun. See, I am very picky about my lubes. You know, personal lubricants. The stuff you use to keep things... lubed. No, I'm not talking about cars here. If you're thinking about that, you might have the wrong blog. But please, stick around and check out some other posts. There might be things of some sort of interest for you, somewhere. So let's get right down to business, shall we? Wet. Wet made a huge splash (har har) in the late 80's and early 90's and has tried to remain dominant in the lube industry. I personally can't stand the crap. It's tacky, sticky and yucky. It's like using the gummy end of a postage stamp to have sex. What fun is that? Yuk. But it's easily accesible. In fact, in Chicago, you can get it at your local grocery stores. That is, of course, the ones close to "Boystown." Otherwise you're stuck with... KY. Now, I remember when I first came out that everyone used KY. You had to. It was the only lube around. So when I started to become "Sexually Active" I bought myself a tube. I thought I was jacking off with toothpaste. Were they kidding? This was supposed to make sex fun, long-lasting and burn-free? Ew. I did find that if you added water -- and lots of it -- it would at least have some sort of useful consistency. But washing that crap off your hands afterward was like trying to wash dried egg off of a hot stove. Ain't gonna happen. I do have to add, though, that KY now has a Wet-like lube that is quite nice... if you can afford the $12 you have to pay for a tiny 2.5 oz bottle. (Not that Wet is any better. Who prices this stuff anyway? Geez it's expensive.) Astroglide. Another old favorite that IS my favorite. This stuff is consistently smooth, doesn't get tacky and works like magic. I rarley have to use more than a quarter's size dollop to finish the job. It's good stuff, reasonably cheap, and also available at my local grocery chains. Woo hoo! Eros. Now this stuff is great for some heavy duty good playing. It never gets tacky. EVER. But it feels like you coated your hands in the grease from a deep fat fryer. It's water soluable, but it just feels... dirty. Washing with Dawn usually helps to get rid of that not-so-fresh feeling. ID. It's ok. It's very "Wet-like" but less tacky. There's a gazillion different varieties too. I don't think I've ever tried the same one twice. And you can always count on a few squirts of ID lube in your favorite freebie condom packs that you get from various AIDS organizations and at bars. Not my favorite, but I don't hate it. Spit. Truly, it's the best in certain situations, but come on. The mouth doesn't produce nearly enough at a nearly fast enough rate for me to do what I need to do with it. Unless maybe my saliva glands are impaired. But it does qualify. OK before I go too far (too late) I'll open it up to the forum. What's your favorite lube? Is there one that I should try? Let's make this a learning experience for all, shall we? Thanks!

Things about me - an update

Thing about me #63. I have horrible credit. My credit problems have hounded me since my late teens and early 20s. I got credit cards incredibly early, and never took the time to learn exactly how to use them. My parents have tried to take part of that blame, but I blame myself for most of it. I was irresponsible, charged up huge amounts and then couldn't pay them off. I then incurred massive interest charges, overdue fees, and even had a couple cards cancelled on me. I had ATM cards taken away and defaults on other loans. I was a mess. It wasn't pretty. Since then, I've been working my ass off to improve my credit rating. It's been an incredibly long and difficult road. Along the way, I was able to get a secured credit card with a $500 limit. I decided I was going to continually pay off as much as I could on that card and use it but not abuse it. And hopefully I could improve my credit rating by showing creditors that I could, indeed, sustain a good credit history. I've since occasionally tried other credit offers, to no avail. (Knowing, of course, that you shouldn't try too many, as that can make your credit score WORSE. Crazy how this works isn't it?) Well last week, I got a pleasant surprise. I decided to try for a card at my credit union. The same one that took away my ATM card and requested that I cancel my VISA card 5 years ago. That's right, folks, I have been living without an ATM card for FIVE years. In the meantime I have been writing checks at grocery stores and getting cash by writing them for $50 over. It's been a PAIN. IN. THE. ASS. But I knew that I had to do it to keep my nose clean until things could turn around. I went on the credit union's website and applied for a MasterCard with a $1000 limit. I figured I'd shoot a little high this time, and see what happened. I filled out the form and sent it in. It went through the "Processing" screen for quite some time. When it finished, the screen said "Please call the Credit Union about your application." I figured, "Oh well, worth a try," and forgot about it. The next day, I got an Email from the credit union saying my application was APPROVED! I whooped for joy! Finally, I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. All of my hard work is paying off. If I can get a loan at my credit union (which is much more stringent about loans than other banks I have found,) then surely my credit rating has FINALLY improved to where banks and other institutions would not consider me such a horrible credit risk. So of course, the mind started reeling about what kinds of things I could BUY with that $1000 credit card. It's natural, but dangerous. I know that one thing I NEED to do is buy a new mattress. I've been sleeping on the same mattress since high school. It's time for something new. But after that, the card is put away until the mattress is paid off. The other thing is a computer. I've been using the same computer for the last 3 1/2 years. I've done everything from add memory to replace the hard drive, graphics card and the CD burner with this thing. I use a lot of graphically intense programs which max out the memory regularly. I'm running out of options. But I didn't want to use the credit card on a new computer. So I figured I'd try my luck and see just how far this new credit power of mine will go. I can afford to make payments on a computer loan. I just need to see if I can get one first. So off I went to www.dell.com to see what I can find out. Would you believe I was approved for $1500???? My computer arrives Friday. Now don't get me wrong, I don't plan on going hog-wild here. This is the end of the credit experimentation. I know I'm doing better, and I don't want to get into trouble again. I have much bigger fish to fry. The end result of all this will make me as a home OWNER instead of a home RENTER. That is my goal. And this is another step-- a BIG step-- toward that goal. I'm really feeling very good about myself right now. So #63 is now "I've had horrible credit-- but it's improving."

Happy Labia Day!

I love my friends. They teach me so many fun things. I mentioned in a previous post about my friends' obsessions with labias, poo, and vaginas. In another world, this would be annoying, but with my friends it's just silly banter. There's nothing wrong with that, is there? I don't think so. So today is Labia Day. December 25th is Vaginismas (apparently it's a real disease, but again, the obsession kicks in.) And our favorite song is to the tune of "I Wanna Know What Love Is" by Foreigner, but sung by Cher. I wanna know what a labia iiiyyyaaaaass I wantchyou to show meeeeaaahhhh I wanna feeel what a labia iiiyyyaaaaass CHAS'ITY I wantchyou to SHOW Meeeaaahhhhh So, Happy Labia Day, everyone. My social calendar has been quite full this weekend. I decided to stay home this Labor Day and relax. But then the Evites started pouring in... a cookout here, a party there, a night out here... it all adds up to a very active, but overall very fun weekend. Friday night I went to my friend Ricardo's new apartment and made dinner for him. He had previously lived in a tiny studio and decided he was too cramped there, so he found a much larger studio in the same building. He wanted to celebrate and have some people over. I arrived early and made some pasta and a quick sauce that I whipped together with red, green, yellow and orange peppers, garlic and oregano. Yum. :) Then when the rest of the group arrived we headed over to Sidetrack, which was PACKED, so my stay there wasn't too terribly long, and I was home by 1 am. Saturday I finally caught up on some much-needed sleep, then later I headed over to my friend Dave's for a cookout. I've known Dave since 1993. He was one of my very first gay friends. He lived in Racine, which isn't too far from Kenosha, WI. He and his partner Andy have a lovely condo in Lake Bluff, which is right smack dab in the middle of Abbot Labs country. In fact, he lives right across the street from their headquarters. Anyway, I don't get to see him very often, so I look forward to the chances to see him. Also there was another old friend, Scott, who I have known for almost just as long. It was great to catch up with old friends, retell old stories (and share them with other people who hadn't heard them before.) I also met a really lovely lesbian couple, who were a lot of fun. I need more lesbian friends. Hell, I need more girl friends. I really enjoy hanging out with them sometimes. Sunday, another sleep catch-up day, then to my friend Steve's in Oak Park for another cookout. This one was much bigger, but just as much fun. We spent hours singing commercial jingles and TV show themes, and just basic eating, drinking and chatting. (No booze for me, it was too damn hot out today.) Then tonight my friend Jeremy, who I went camping with, had a get-together at his place, before we headed over to Chicago's newest gay bar, Crew. So tomorrow I plan on sleeping in AGAIN, doing some long-overdue laundry, and seeing what they day brings me. I wish every weekend was a 3-day weekend. :)

Because he says so

I would encourage all of my blogger friends to copy this link to their blogs. Funny stuff... but damn it's true. George W. Bush- Because He Says So

Ahhh, Labor Day

I love how a holiday that was formed so we can relax is named for something so stressful. Ahh yes, Labor Day. What a treat, that 3-day weekend. It's the last gasp of summer. It's the time for cookouts, camping, and sleeping in. I love this weekend. But it's a sign that the lazy hazy crazy days of summer (yeah, like we had any this summer anyway) are gone. I don't mind fall. I like sweaters and the crisp chill in the air. I like the colors of the leaves and the cool breezes and still-warm sun. It's winter that I can't stand. Sloppy, snowy, wet and miserable. It's my theory that Chicago is an amazing city because of its summers. The winters suck, and they suck badly. But that makes us long for the summers that much more. I just need a boyfriend to cuddle me through those long winter nights. Again, applications accepted within.

Keep your colds away from me!

Everyone at work is getting sick. There are 3 people who are so congested and sick with colds and other nasty bugs that they sound like they should be singing "Old Man River." And yet they come in to work every day, just making everyone else sick. I've been fighting it off as best I can, but I just have this sinking feeling that I'm next. I usually catch this cold crap quickly. At least I used to. See, last summer I had my tonsils removed. Oh that was fun, let me tell you. I suffered from severe Sleep Apnea. If you haven't heard of it, Sleep Apnea is a condition that causes you to literally stop breathing while you sleep. It's caused by any number of things, from a blockage in your airway to a weak respiratory system. Then, after a few seconds of NOT BREATHING, your body suddenly jolts itself into a more awake state so that you can start breathing again. All of this stopping breathing and jolting yourself awake does terrible damage to your heart, and causes you to have horribly sleepless nights. My Sleep Apnea was so bad that I was falling asleep at work daily. And I mean not just nodding off. I was SNORING. At work. Sitting up. When my managers finally told me that the sleeping had to stop or I'd lose my job, I looked into a possible medical problem. Now I had been told by boyfriends, friends and other bed partners that I snored very loudly at night. I knew wasn't getting restful sleep. I would wake up every morning with my mouth so dry that it felt like cardboard. And I always woke up on my back, arched up, and my head would be pounding. Sure signs that I wasn't getting enough oxygen at night. I was also extremely susceptible to throat ailments such as Tonsilitis and Strep Throat. I would come down with one or both of the ailments more than once a year. There had to be a connection to all of this. I asked my doctor about Sleep Apnea, and he thought that it could be a cause. So I had a sleep test done. Lo and behold, it was indeed the cause. In fact, I was having an average of 70 APNEAS PER HOUR. That means that SEVENTY TIMES during EVERY HOUR of sleep, I would STOP BREATHING. It was rated as a severe case. Scary. So I went to an Ear-Nose-Throat doctor (Otolaryngologist). He took one look inside my throat and said, "WOW" "Your tonsils are maybe 4x the size they should be. I think we've found a major cause of your problems." So he recommended surgery. I was to have my tonsils removed (at age 32) and have a portion of my soft palate trimmed away. That would surely open up my airway and allow me to breathe better. If this didn't work (and apparently, 9 times out of 10 it doesn't do enough to solve the problem,) I would have to wear a CPAP mask every night for the rest of my life. CPAP (Continuous Positive Airway Pressure) masks are not fun. They fit over your nose and mouth and force oxygen into your airway so that you can breathe at night. They save lives, but they aren't exactly attractive. So I opted for the surgery before even trying the CPAP. On July 10, 2003, I went in for surgery. It was the most painful experience of my life. The tonsils were one thing, but the palate trimming was another. To put it bluntly, I no longer have a uvula. That's the little swingy piece of flesh that hangs down at the back of your throat. Mine is gone, snip-snip. (You can joke if you want about gag reflexes. I still have that. Sorry.) The recovery was extremely painful, but the aftereffects were incredible. I started having the most restful sleeps that I could ever remember. And although I didn't have anyone nearby to confirm it, I could tell that I wasn't snoring anymore either. That nasty dry throat feeling I would have every morning disappeared. I felt incredible. About 8 months after my surgery, I had a follow-up sleep study. The results were enough to shock my doctor. For someone who had a severe case of Apnea before, I now had next to none. He said I maybe did it twice the whole night. And that (believe it or not) is normal. He said "This is the type of stuff that we write in medical journals about. You're a lucky man." So that's my story about my sleep problems. And here is the moral. - If you notice you are falling asleep during the day, even if you have had plenty of sleep at night. - If you or your partner notices that you snore so loudly that the walls shake. - If you wake up with a dry throat every morning, or are susceptible to sore throats, tonsilitis or strep easily Go to your doctor, ask him or her about sleep apnea, and get a sleep study done. It could save your life. References: American Sleep Apnea Association Sleep Apnea FAQ Obstructive Sleep Apnea Uvulopalatopharyngoplasty (UPPP)/Palatopharyngoplasty (PPP) Surgical procedure (The kind I had)

Seven years ago

Seven years ago Her smile was warm and bright. Her grace was effortless. Her message, of peace. Seven years ago The world was her oyster. She was loved and revered. A princess for all people. Seven years ago Her beauty was unmatched. Her compassion knew no bounds. Her love was felt by all. Seven years ago Heaven gained an angel. The stars shone brighter. The world wept bitterly. Seven years ago. Princess Diana 1961-1997

Selfish Hedonism

Has anyone been following the Senate race for Illinois? On one hand is this man. Poised, elegant in speech, and articulate in his views. Barack Obama is an ideal candidate. Not just because he shares my liberal views on "the issues," but because he comes across as competent, clear-thinking, and an overall good man for the job. Then, on the other hand... Well, originally they had this man. But scandal brought him down. Seems he liked to have kinky sex with his former wife, an actress of some sort. So he was ousted. And in his place, they got this guy. Whoa mama. This guy is a real piece of work. From the day he accepted the party's ticket, he has been making comments that would make even the most right-wing conservative blush. And just this week, during the Republican National Convention, he called the Vice-President's daughter a "Selfish Hedonist." Don't believe me? Here is an excerpt from a Chicago Tribune article that has direct quotes. I'm not making this stuff up. Keyes' first comments about Mary Cheney came during an interview Monday night on Sirius OutQ, a New York-based satellite station that provides 24-hour gay and lesbian programming. After the candidate told the hosts that homosexuality is "selfish hedonism," he was asked whether Mary Cheney is a "selfish hedonist." "Of course she is," Keyes replied. "That goes by definition. Of course she is."... Two hosts with Sirius OutQ spoke with Keyes for four minutes Monday night in a nearby hallway. Their conversation centered on his opposition to same-sex marriage. Keyes said family is defined by having children. "If we embrace homosexuality as a proper basis for marriage, we are saying that it's possible to have a marriage state that in principle excludes procreation and is based simply on the premise of selfish hedonism," the senate candidate told hosts Michelangelo Signorile and Corey Johnson. It was at this point that the hosts asked Keyes their question about Mary Cheney, getting [the above] response. An interviewer then said: "I don't think Dick Cheney would like to hear that about his daughter." Replied Keyes: "Dick Cheney may or may not like to hear the truth, but it can be spoken." When asked Tuesday evening to explain his statements about Mary Cheney, Keyes did not back down. "I have said that if you are actively engaging in homosexual relations, those relations are about selfish hedonism," he said. "If my daughter were a lesbian, I'd look at her and say, `That is a relationship that is based on selfish hedonism.' I would also tell my daughter that it's a sin, and she needs to pray to the Lord God to help her to deal with that sin." My favorite response by a Republican is Senator John McCain: Campaigning in North Middleton Township, Pa., with President Bush, Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) spoke to reporters about Republican chances to hold the Senate and said, "I think it's clear we lose Illinois." Uh yeah, indeed. Informed about Keyes' comments from the radio program, McCain said, "I don't think that's appropriate, but it's not the first inappropriate remark Mr. Keyes has made. He made a remark the other day that people who perform abortions are the same as terrorists. That's a very unique take on that issue and one that's very seldom espoused." Ya think? My favorite part of this article comes toward the end, as it shows Alan Keyes trying to "build the bridges" he has obviously burned with his overactive mouth. Keyes attempted to build bridges Tuesday with the Illinois delegation. But a breakfast gathering ended messily for him as he chastised reporters for not giving his candidacy a fair shake and left early. Topinka had welcomed Keyes to a Times Square hotel for his first delegate breakfast. She said there was room under the Republican Party's tent for different beliefs, but added that a far-right candidate would not win in Illinois. "Without social moderates this party cannot win," Topinka told a few reporters before she and Keyes shook hands for the cameras. "It has to be center-right, it can't be right-right." When Topinka and Keyes greeted each other, the exchange was brief and awkward. It ended strangely, as Topinka ducked out, dashing behind a ficus plant. "There you go," she said to Keyes. "You're on." Reporters surrounded Keyes on his way out. When asked why he had not addressed the delegates, he promised it would not be the last time he would see them this week but that he had to tend to a schedule packed with media interviews. Pressed for a reason why he had not spent more time with his state party, Keyes responded angrily. "The proper question would be: `What are you doing at this convention?' And that is a fact," he said. But Topinka still enforced that they're going to endorse this quack. Though her views differ with Keyes' on several social issues, Topinka said Tuesday morning that she would support him, saying, "He is on the ticket. We will support the ticket." Those silly Republicans.