The follow up you've all been waiting for...

Man I do a cliffhanger better than "Dallas" in the 80's, don't I? :) So about the guy... Would you believe we are still dating? Two weeks later, and it's still on. "Shocking!" "Ground-breaking!" "Amazing!" And those are my own interjections on the subject. I can only imagine what you've come up with. Tonight was date number 5. We had dinner at a wonderful Japanese restaurant (Rick does sushi. Don't everybody recoil in disbelief together.) and then went to see "The Hitchiker's Guide To The Galaxy,"... which I enjoyed very much! (Any movie that opens with a production number sung by dolphins is cool in my book.) So... the update is, we're still going well, and taking things slowly. Which is just about perfect in my book. It's nice. I haven't dated in so long... it's nice when it happens and happens the 'right' way. Whatever the 'right' way is. Tomorrow I'm off to Peoria and Bloomington, IL with the Chorus all day. It's going to be a long day, with three performances. But it will be fun. No rest for the wicked, as they say.

Bathing Pussies Part II

In case you are wondering what the HELL the title is all about... do check out The Traveling Spotlight today. You'll be glad you did. So the RcktMan household has another member today. Well just for one day at least. I couldn't let him sleep at Man's Country after all. I can only imagine the trouble he'd get into. I mean... think of it. A new guy, in a new town, seeing new (and I use that term loosely) sights. Sets the stage for quite an adventure if you ask me. I had pity on our dear Patrick. He is in town for a job interview, after all. I couldn't let him walk into the interview and refuse the offer to take a seat. Because it would hurt too much. You know what I mean. He was going to take the train into the city, but I couldn't trust him with that. I figured he'd pick up some homeless person and go back to his shack for a little one-on-one fun. My guilty conscience couldn't let that happen. So I offered to pick him up at the airport. He jumped at the chance. After all, wouldn't you want to get picked up at the airport by someone you never met face-to-face before? I figured he'd think it was hot. I was right. We called Tuna Girl on the way home. She told me to watch out for him and keep him in line. I told her that was my intention from day one. We both know that if you take your eyes off on this one, he's liable to disappear. (I done good, TG. He's still here.) So he offered to buy me dinner as payment for services rendered the use of my sofa. I accepted, of course. I had images of a lavish dinner at one of Andersonville's finer dining establishments, but Patrick suggested McDonald's or Wendy's. I compromised and suggested T's, which is at the end of my block. Good food, decent prices, and no drive-thru windows to be seen. Thank goodness I got my way this time. We came back to my place, and the cats immediately took to him like a cheap whore on a rich man. They haven't left him alone yet. I'm actually sort of amused by it, until he started playing with my pussies. I'm worried about them now. They may never be the same again. He kept playing "Pippin being born" (see below) with the poor guy. He's been hiding in the litter box all night and won't come out. Poor Screech's legs are crossed and he won't shut up. Damn him!!! I'm starting to wonder whatever possessed me to take in this guy in the first place. Could it have been his boyish charm? His sense of humor? His slutty ways? His way around a kitchen? No... I guess I just wanted the company. After all, it has been a rough week already. OK OK OK... in truth, I was really happy to host Patrick and we have had a great time finally meeting face-to-face. And yes, he is sleeping on the sofa. Probably with the cats. You can take the boy out of the pussy, but you can't take the pussy out of the boy. Or something like that.

Dude, I gotta chill

Today was a rough day. As evidenced by the post just prior to this one. Yes, I panicked and posted that thought. It was what I was thinking at the time. It was reactionary, yes... but it was also stupid. I'm not here to beg for money. What I am here for, however, is to express what's on my mind at any given moment. And that's what I did. So there you have it, that's how it all works. I've thought things through since then, and I have a solution that I think will work. It's just going to take some time, and it's going to mean changing a few things in my life. -- cutting down on a few luxuries (the few that I already had), and curtailing my wanton ways of spending and not caring about the consequences. Plus, I've been selling things on eBay. (Thanks to those who suggested this... I already had that in my plan. We must have been thinking alike.) I have a lot of crap. A LOT of crap. I thoroughly need to downsize, and fast. I also need to sell my car and get rid of that payment. It's killing me. I don't know why I ever thought that was a good idea, but no more. I have a way of getting the money I need. So I will be ok. But things have just gotta change, and I need to make the commitment to make them happen. It's about time.

I'm in trouble

I'm panicking. My finances have spun out of control and I'm scared. I've tried to do too much and cover myself for too long. I am broke. I need $1600 fast. Know anyone that can help me? I'm serious.

100 Things About Me: Version 2.0

As with anything and everything in the world, things change. And so, too, should your 100 Things About You Me. So... here is Version 2.0. New additions/changes are in bold. 1. I am still single. 1a. This rarely ever changes. 2. I love to sing. 3. My favorite food is Italian. 4a. I make a kickass meatball. 5. I was born in Kenosha, Wisconsin 5a. I now live in Chicago, IL. 6. I am a Packer fan, but not a Brewer Fan. 7. I am a Cubs fan, but not a Bears Fan. 8. I used to have a Cabaret show at Gentry in Chicago. 9. I worked for Six Flags Great America for 12 years before the bastards fired me. 9a. It was the first time I'd ever been fired. 9b. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. 10. I grew up with dogs, but I own two cats. 11. I have one sister, and she is married. 12. I have no nieces or nephews (yet). 13. Most of my friends are in the Chicago Gay Men's Chorus or the Windy City Performing Arts. 14. I am a member of both groups. 15. I am not related to Danny Aiello. 16. My favorite artist is Elton John. 17. The RcktMan in my name is an homage to Elton John's song "Rocket Man" 18. My first online experience was on Prodigy back in 1992. 19. I used to consider myself an Independent voter, but I now consider myself a Democrat. 20. I was raised Catholic, but do not practice it anymore. 21. My uncle is a priest. 22. I have only one first cousin. 23. My mom had my sister because she did not want me to grow up an only child. (She was an only child.) 24. We named our second dog "Cubby" after the Chicago Cubs. 24a. His name was my idea. 25. My cat's names are Pippin and Screech. 25a. Pippin is named after the musical, not the basketball player. 25b. Screech is so named because he's so chatty, not after the "Saved By The Bell" character. 25c. My ex named Screech. 26. I have friends all over the country and in many areas of the world. 27. I have never been to Europe. 28 I have never been to paradise-- or to me, for that matter. 28a. I don't know what the hell that means. 29. I never knew either of my grandfathers. 30. I have relatives in Italy who are enormously wealthy because of their coffee empire, "Aiello Coffee" 30a. I have bought and tasted Aiello Coffee. 30b. I don't know any of these relatives, therefore will probably not inherit a penny when they die. 31. I did the layout for Carol Moseley Braun's resume in 2001. 31a. She paid me $200 for the service. She paid with a personal check. I have a copy of the check. 32. I have never kissed a girl. 33. I've kissed a girl... the only girl in CGMC. It was actually kinda hot. 34. My first kiss and my first time having sex with a man was when I was 23 years old. 35. I am now 34 years old. 36. I have a solo on the Chicago Gay Men's Chorus's first CD, "Cool Yule." 36a. I am also featured in CGMC's second CD, "I Will Be Loved Tonight." 37. My favorite drink is Rum & Coke 38. I have never done drugs of any kind. 39. I have never smoked a cigarette. 40. I have smoked cigars but only puffed on them. 41. I am a top. 42. I love to kiss. 43. I love to cuddle. 44. I am extremely affectionate. 45. I can be a bit of a loner at times. 46. I have been called "introspective" 47. In college I was heavily involved in DECA, a student marketing organization. 47a. I was elected Wisconsin State SE Region Vice President in 1992 and State President in 1993. 47b. I was elected State Alumni President in 1998 (after having moved to Chicago). 48. I served on the board of CGMC for 2 years. 49. I will not serve on any boards again for a long time. 50. My last ex and I were together for a year. 50a. It was my longest relationship. 51. One of my fondest memories is going to the Wisconsin State Fair with my family and going down the huge slide. 52. Another fond memory is going to see my Grandma in Antioch, Illinois. It always seemed so far away. 53. I had my tonsils removed in July of 2003. 54. I was recently diagnosed with high blood pressure. 55. It runs in my family. 56. My latest guilty pleasure is that I DVR episodes of "Little House On The Prairie" on The Hallmark Channel every day. 57. I am surrounded by a network of wonderful, loving and supportive friends. 58. My father is Diabetic and my mother suffers from Emphysema. 59. While growing up, I wanted to be a teacher. 60. I graduated with an Associate Degree in Marketing in 1994. 61. I still want to complete my Bachelor's and Masters degree someday. 62. I live way beyond my means. 63. I have poor credit, but it's improving... slowly. 64. I own a car, but still rent my apartment. 65. I would like to buy my own condo within the next 3 years. 66. I cry at sappy movies and songs. 67. I love comedies. 68. I love gardening 69. I grow my own herbs. 70. I hate housecleaning and laundry. 71. But I love when my home is clean. 72. I have a gym membership that I haven't used in 5 years. 73. My bike has sat with a flat tire for 4 years. 73a. I am going to get it fixed very soon. 74. I thoroughly believe that if I worked out, I'd be "Hot". 75. I am too lazy to make that happen. 76. I listen to music when I fall asleep. 77. "Queer Eye" is about the only TV I watch anymore. 78. I hate seeing movies by myself, so I rarely see movies. 79. I love to cook for myself, and for others. 80. I like going out, but don't go out alone, ever. 81. I STILL cut my own hair. 81a. I think I'm pretty good at it by now. 82. My favorite breakfast food is Eggs Benedict. 83. I love Tombstone Pizzas. 84. I would fail miserably at the Atkins Diet. 85. McDonald's McChicken Sandwiches are my nemesis. 85a. They are only $1 each. 85b. Yes, I am that cheap sometimes. 86. I have very few enemies. 87. I believe there is a direct correlation between one's relationship with his or her family and the type of person he or she is socially. 88. I have a very good relationship with my family. 89. I am not a morning person. 90. I am a definite night owl. 91. I spend a lot of time online but rarely ever "hook up" anymore. 92. I'm ready to "settle down". 93. I like to write poetry to clear my mind. 94. My favorite author is John Irving. 95. I think Dolly Parton is one of the most underrated artists alive today. 96. I think The Beatles were geniuses. 97. I think George W. Bush is the biggest failure of all of the US Presidents, ever. 98. I have no idea who could possibly be our President in 2008. 99. I have voted in every Presidential election since I became eligible. 100. I'm a bit concerned for the future of our country.

Killer Memes From Outer Space!

You asked me questions, I will give you answers! Here we go.... From Scott-o-Rama: 1). Who was your first crush? My first crush was a boy in 5th grade. He had the most striking blue eyes I'd ever seen. From then on, I knew that I was "different"... 2). You have to pick one city in which to spend the rest of your life (you can never leave it). Which one do you choose? The one in which I'm living right now. I love Chicago. I don't foresee me ever leaving it. 3). You have been asked to make a new ice cream flavor for Ben & Jerry. What do you put in it?Tons of Vanilla (REAL vanilla), and fresh raspberries with chocolate ribbons. Yummy. 4). You have just written your autobiography. What do you title it? "Whose Idea of a Cruel Joke Was THIS?" From Pua: 5). The new man is coming over to your place. It's a little messy and you only have 10 minutes. What do you clean first? The living room. Because the cats sit on the sofa and the big ottoman in there and COVER them with their fur. If they are clean, the whole place looks clean. Next I usually attack the bedroom. I mean, come on. And then the dining room/office because it's the room I spend the most time in when I'm home alone and it gets the messiest. 6). You're offered a choice of dates...movie, OR dinner. Which do you choose and why? Dinner. You can't talk at a movie. I like to get to know my date, and you can't get to know someone while sitting quietly watching a movie. Movies are good for 3rd or 4th dates, but definitely not first dates! 7). Which is easier to forgive; transgressions against you personally, or transgressions against your family? Ooooh tough one... Transgressions against me personally are easier to forgive. I'm one person and I can take a lot of flak. But if you do something against my family, you have a lot of pizans to deal with. :) Also, remember that forgiveness is easy, but forgetting is impossible. 8). How long would you wait for a late date to show before you get up to leave? 45 minutes. After that, it's goodbye Charl... um... Stevie. 9). What's the first thing you would do if you won the lottery? Pay off all my bills. And then I'd do the same for my parents and make sure they would never have to worry about money again. Then I'd do something for myself. From TJ: 10). If you could have a romantic dinner date with anyone in the world (assume that sexual persuasion is not an issue), who would you choose and why? I can't think of anyone in particular. It would have to be someone who I share things in common with, and I can relate to. Someone who enjoys trying new things and exploring new ideas. Someone who enjoys music and great food with good conversation. OK that's really general, but that's what I would want, and that would be the perfect romantic dinner. 11).Who is your sex fantasy? Do you mean today or every day? It changes a lot. ;) 12). Do you sing in the shower? ABSOLUTELY... I sing everywhere. 13). Your house is burning down. You can save either the original Mona Lisa painting (which was on display at your house) or your cats. Which do you choose and why? NO hesitation. My cats. I have their carrier cages easily accessible in case of emergency. I would fight fire or intruder or weather to make sure they were safe. Mona Lisa, Schmona Schmisa. My cats are my babies. From Alan: 14). If you could be a fictional character in a book or a movie, who would you be and why? Laura Ingalls Wilder growing up when she did. How fascinating and exciting it must have been to move to new lands and start new communities, and see all the new things happening as they happened. (ed. note: I know he asked "fictional character," but Laura Ingalls Wilder as she wrote about herself was, in essence, a fictional representation of herself, hence why she referred to herself as "Laura" and not "I." So there. Nyah.) 15). Cloudy but warm, or sunny but cold? Sunny but cold. Rainy days and mondays always get me down. 16). Oh, you live in Chicago ... do you know my friend Matt? Oh yeah! Of course I do... he was great! From Tuna Girl: 17). When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? A teacher. And in some ways that has come true... I find myself doing a lot of teaching at work. I like that part about my job. 18). What do you like best about blogging? The sense of community that exists through words and pictures. The closeness I feel to people all over the world, even though I have never met most of them face-to-face. The sense of family that I have found with those I have gotten to know. 19). I want to know more about your singing. What do you like best about it? Singing is SO therapeutic for me. Whether I am singing solo or with a chorus, I feel myself in the song that I sing and I try to give that off as I sing. When I sing solo, I pick songs that mean something to me. Either they have to do with a certain period in my life, or they remind me of someone I care about, or they tell a story that I can relate to. Music is very close to my soul. 20). Are you going to buy me drinks in NYC? What will you order for me? You'd better believe I'm going to buy you drinks in NYC. I'll order whatever you like, but I'll make you try something just to be a little evil. I can't wait to see you there! There you have em... exactly 20 questions. Thanks to Scott, TJ, Pua and Karen for asking away. AND JUST AS I POSTED THIS... Four more questions arrived! So here they are. Hey it's my blog, I can do what I want. :) From Keith: 21). What is your favorite holiday? Call it cliche, but Christmas is my favorite holiday. I love decorating, I love trimming the tree, I love baking cookies, I love wrapping presents, I love throwing parties. I just don't like the bills after it's all done. But yeah... Christmas is my favorite by far. 22). What is your favorite comedy movie of all time? GOOD ONE... because I have two. "Nine to Five" and "Tootsie" are probably my all-time favorite comedy movies. I have seen each film so many times that I know them almost by heart, and they NEVER get old. 23). What would you say is your best personality trait? The fact that I don't let anything get me down. Because believe me, I have had plenty of things happen in my life that would get some people down and break them. I believe that there is a silver lining to any situation... even the worst ones. 24). You have just won a new automobile in a free giveaway! Which automobile would you like? One that doesn't have any dents... and has a window that actually opens... and has air conditioning that works... Say, can I have a garage too? That'd be SWEET!

A Real Date for Ricky

I had a real date tonight. One with dinner and conversation and laughter and smiles and knowing glances. With hand holding and a kiss or two here and there. With plans to meet again Thursday or Friday when it was all done. And with the most adorable comment from him, as he left my arms after the last long hug at the end of the evening... "Reserve that spot for me." No problem whatsoever. The card is already in place.

Attack of the Killer Meme!

These Memes are going around faster than Malaria in Laura Ingalls Wilder days. I swear. So I've been tagged. Thank you Scot-A-Rama.... or is that Scoot O- Roma... Scott-Aroma? Anyway. Thanks a lot. The name of the game is TWENTY QUESTIONS. You ask me the questions. In the comments. You know, the little things you're supposed to type after reading my posts but you sometimes forget to, hence why I never have many comments. Just click "Rckts Red Glare" or if one person has already commented, "Rckt in my Pckt" or if many people have commented, "Blasting Off!" After I am satisfied that enough people have asked questions, I will answer 20 of them. And I will give you credit for your questions, since you thought so long and hard about them. I'm giving that way. And then, when you least expect it, you might just get tagged back. It's the christian thing to do, after all.

Our Lady of the Underpass (?)

Only in America... or more specifically... in Chicago, at the Fullerton Avenue underpass. Drivers and the faithful from miles around are blocking traffic on Interstate 90 (a/k/a the Kennedy Expressway) to view the supposed image of the Virgin Mary on the wall of the underpass. I personally love that it says "Satan Loves U" right next to the "apparition." We see what we want to see... What do you see? photo courtesy of Chicago Tribune

Livin' La Vida Loca

Life has been crazy lately. Crazy = loca. Get it? The show is over. Did you see it? Pity. You should have. It was a blast. I think the reviews will all be good, but I'm not a reviewer so what do I know? All I know is the audience had a great time and the crowds were not half bad. So that was fun. There's always a sense of letdown when a show closes. All that hard work and time spent rehearsing pays off, but it's just such a short payoff. Three shows is not enough. I wanted more. Oh well, it's over now. But it was fun nonetheless. Now back to somewhat real life. Last night, there was no rehearsal, since we had rehearsed and performed all weekend. So of course, what does a good chorus boy do on his day off? Go out! I headed to Sidetrack and met a fairly large contingent of chorus boys there for "Showtune night." Fun times commenced. As the showtunes ended (promptly at 9:00), the crowds started to thin. I found myself talking to an attractive gentleman seated along the side of the main bar area. The talking turned into my arm around him, which turned into holding of hands, which turned into a few stolen kisses. Which turned into a date Tuesday night (nothing is set yet, but that's what I'm going for.) I got his number and I am going to call him tonight. I think I deserve this... after all, with all I've been through. :)

Rick's Greatest Hits

My car is falling apart. From bumper to bumper, as each week goes by, it is becoming a magnet for dings, dents, and broken pieces. It's not pretty. The worst part about all of this is that the majority of the scars on my car occurred while it was parked right outside my front door. Talk about frustrating. This Sunday, the greatest hit yet occurred. I walked out of my front door to find the front bumper laying on the ground. Pictures are forthcoming. Each dent, bruise and severed appendage has a story to be told, and each one is as unbelievable as the next. Fun abounds, folks!!!!

Spring Cleaning

I love cleaning for spring. About as much as I love folding socks, or doing laundry for that matter. Still, it has to be done, so I grit my teeth and muddle through it. I'm the type of person that lets his place go for a bit. OK, I can be pretty sloppy. My dining room table piles up with mail and other crap, the dusting goes unaccounted for, the cat hair builds up in little piles and dustbunnies... I'm lazy. I admit it. So for me to give my place a thorough head-to-toe cleaning, I have to have a good reason. So this Saturday, I created a good reason. I invited some people over for dinner. Nothing gets my ass in gear faster than company. This place is sparkly and I love it. It actually started with a chat with one of my fellow Windy City Slickers. He asked if I wanted to go to Ikea with him (Ikea is out in the burbs so if someone offers to go, you accept. It's just common courtesy!) I fully did not intend to buy anything. But I saw something that caught my fancy. And then I saw the price. So I couldn't say no. I bought a potrack for my kitchen. I. LOVE. IT. And I love it so much that I'm posting pictures of it here for your viewing pleasure... since, after all, who doesn't like to look at other people's kitchens and go "Oooh that's so nice, I wish I had that?" I think I deserved this, after the hellish past few weeks I've had. Shopping cures all woes. Don't you agree?

(Good to be) Back again!

Taking a break is hard. I was feeling emotionally low on Monday. I'm still a little down. Nothing too new there really. But it's good to be back. Thanks for all of your notes and comments. It helped to get through the dark spots. :) So what happened in the last week? Actually not a whole lot. But as the week progressed it got stressful again. And let me tell you, it makes me very happy to be sitting here typing this message. Very happy, indeed. On Wednesday night, I was working on a project for one of my co-workers. I had just wrapped it up and was just about to Email it to him in PDF format, when I noticed the computer starting to slow down. The hard drive would pause every 3-5 minutes, and I would hear a rhythmic clicking sound. After about 30 seconds of that, it would resume and everything work work just fine. I knew that sound. I knew it well. It was the sound of my hard drive dying.... or something like that. I panicked. If I were thinking clearly, I would have immediately started backing up as much of everything as I possibly could. But I wasn't thinking clearly. Oh no, not at all. I restarted the computer. And when it came back up... I got a message saying that a file was missing and Windows could not reboot. AUUUUGGGGGHHHH! After trying a few diagnostic things (I consider myself pretty well-versed in the way of computers,) I decided to call Dell's technical support number. The heavily-accented gentleman on the other end of the line had me run some of the diagnostics, and after a few tries, he determined that my hard drive needed to be replaced. I was livid. Not only was I livid at the thought of losing all of my files... I was livid because this was the SECOND time this happened to this computer since I bought it. It was also the THIRD time that I have had a problem with a hard drive in the last THREE years. (The first was on the computer that I replaced with this one.) I told the man on the phone of my displeasure in simple, concise, and yet surprisingly not vulgar terms. He agreed with me that this was, indeed, an unfortunate situation, and that I simply was having "bad luck" with the hard drives. I told him he had better hope he is right about that, because if it happens again, I will not pay for the computer. I will want a new one. He arranged to have someone come to my house and replace the drive. I bought the computer in September of 2004 so it is still under warranty. That's two hard drives in about six months. Ridiculous. I also talked to the manager of the Tech Support system and he futher assured me that Dell would do whatever necessary to get my computer running again. I thanked him finally said good bye. When all of this started, it was already 1:00 in the morning. By the time I was through with Dell Technical Support (I should have asked him where they were... I have a feeling they are in India) it was 4:00 AM. My nerves were wrecked, my pulse was racing, and I had no idea if I could ever get to sleep. I was in full-on panic mode. I had to take a Tylenol PM to sleep. And I did sleep... much later than I should have. So I called in to work and took a mental health day. All day long (after finally waking up) I laid in bed, reading books, watching TV, cleaning the kitchen... anything I could do to stay away from the computer debacle. Finally I made up my mind that I would try something on my own. I had a Best Buy gift card, and I had just gotten paid. I went out to buy a new hard drive of my own for the computer. My theory was this: If I installed the new hard drive and reinstalled Windows; then set up the old hard drive as a slave drive to the new one, I might just be able to access my files on the old drive. It was worth a try, and since I didn't know when the guy from Dell was going to arrive with my new drive, I didn't want to wait any longer. Sometimes I scare myself with the amount of technical know-how I possess. IT WORKED. When I found that I could access the old drive and my files were all still there, I could have turned cartwheels inside my apartment. WHAT A RELIEF! I copied everything I could possibly need off the old drive and put it on the new drive, and breathed a huge sigh of relief. And then I finished the project that I meant to finish the night before. Because I could. Thank goodness I had at least the good sense to hit "Save!" The next day the guy from Dell came to replace the damaged drive... so now I have two drives in my computer: one 160GB drive and one 120GB drive. Let the good times roll! So you see... the moral to today's lesson is, "Just when you think everything is about to crumble around you, and the world looks like it's going to end for you, somehow, somewhere, there is a ray of hope. You just have to find it and ride it for all it's worth." Or something like that. :) So I'm back... but I will probably be posting very spottily in the next week again. It's "Hell Week" for Chicago Gay Men's Chorus, and it's going to be extremely busy. I hope that if you're in the Chicago area, you'll check out "In The Mood" ... it's going to be a swingin' good time. :) Argh, which reminds me, I have to buy a black shirt.

Back in...

I need a short break. I'm just a little tapped out with what to say lately. I will be back in a week or so. I hope you'll be back when I return.

Farewell to another friend

Michael, Mimi and Me. March 5, 2005 My phone rang at 6:00 AM. Still groggy with sleep, I tried to make out the name on the Caller ID. It didn't look familar so I let it ring and went back to bed. When the phone rang again at 6:30 I looked again at the name. It was my friend Kevin from Madison. I knew this couldn't be good news. He wouldn't be trying to call me so early, and with such persistence. I was right. It wasn't good news at all. Our friend Michael, who I had just seen when I was in Madison earlier this month, had committed suicide the night before. Michael, Kevin and I were part of the Wisconsin State officer team for Delta Epsilon Chi (Collegiate DECA) in 1993-1994. I was the Wisconsin State President, Michael was Executive Vice President. He was my roommate at many functions and a friend almost instantly. We even traveled together to the National competition that year in Detroit. Michael was a fun-loving guy. Always ready with a laugh and a smile, and with a knack for being quite the ladies' man. I sang at Michael's first wedding. He and his fiance had some ideas on what they wanted me to sing, but I found the song "Grow Old With Me" by John Lennon and played it for them, and they loved it. (I would later sing that same song at my sister's wedding.) Unfortunately, that marriage ended rather quickly. Michael was saddened by this, and fell into a state of despair. He called upon our friend Mimi, who also served on the state team with us, for comfort and support. He came through it, and eventually moved on. A little later he moved to Cincinnati to work for a regional airport. After a few years there, he met a new lady and eventually married her. They had a daughter together. But in the last few months, this relationship, too, turned sour, and Michael was again split from his spouse. (I don't know any details and would not share them here if I did, but I do know that this split was definitely against his will.) He had heard about everyone who was going to the conference in Madison in March, so he decided to go. As news spread about his being there, more and more people signed on to be a part of the conference. Michael was a popular guy, and people liked to be around him. We loved him, and we had an awesome time that weekend. I will remember it always. I never, ever thought he would do this. I knew he had bouts of depression. I knew he had thought about it before. But I never thought he would actually follow through. But he did. And now we are left to pick up the pieces. I miss my friend. I regret not spending more time with him. I regret not sending him the pictures I took of him with me and our other friends that weekend in Madison. I regret not calling him once in a while and just shooting the shit. But regret can't bring him back. So I will remember him. I will remember the laughs we had; as recent as three weeks ago, and as far back as 10 years ago. I will remember his "It's Bacon" impression from the "Beggin' Strips" commercials that were popular in the 90's. I will remember his suave mannerisms and his slick way with the ladies when were were just kids. I will remember his goofy laugh and his offbeat sense of humor. I will remember his acceptance of me when I came out to him. I will remember the drive to Detroit and the trip through scary and deserted Benton Harbor, thinking we would get killed (even though there was nobody around to kill us.) I will remember sitting up during conferences and talking our hearts out about everything from family to friendships; to God and love. And the memories that I keep of him will last much longer than this painful end. I will miss you, Michael. Farewell, my friend. I hope you are finally at peace.